We honor those who put their lives on the line for us every day. They put on a black and green pixel uniform, paint their faces an unappealing shade of brown, and carry an M16 into Amazon jungles and Arabian deserts. On the home front, everyone gathers around the American flag to sing the Star Spangled Banner and recite the Pledge of Allegiance. At those times, we think of our American soldiers, our heroes, fighting battles in the air, on land, and amidst the oceans far and wide. But sometimes we forget their families and loved ones left behind- the husbands, wives, fiancés, children, and parents who think about their American hero every minute of every day all year long. The pain and worry they feel is nearly impossible to capture in words and sentences, even for the most talented writer.
In an effort to convey the emotions felt by the individual on the home front, I conducted an interview with a young woman whose fiancé was currently enlisted in the United States Air Force. She remains anonymous, but her responses are pulled right from her heart and typed into the following text. She is just one of many young men and women who feel their hearts aching for loved ones enlisted as active duty military personnel.
I started the interview out simply; I didnât want to abruptly dive into the worries of a young fiancĂ© with a far-away future husband. I asked her, âHow long have you two been together? How did you meet?â
Her face lit up with a smile, âWeâve been together about two-and-a-half years now. We were in a co-ed sort of Scouts group together. I was attempting to do my homework in the living room and he kept popping in, making me laugh, distracting me. I wasnât bored at all that night, but never did get my homework done.â
âHow did he propose?â
âHe proposed this past summer. The sneak slipped a ring into the book I was reading the night before. I found it the morning of August 8th and immediately said âyes.ââ
This young woman was lighting up the room. Her love for this man was simply spilling out of her heart and affecting the mood so much that I hated asking my next question. âSo when he first told you that he was, in fact, going to enlist, what was running through your mind?â
âWell it wasnât too long after we started dating actually- December 2011, I believe. And I was not a fan of the idea at all! But I kept thinking over it, because school didnât really work out for him; it wasnât what he expected. He wanted to do this and it was honestly a good option for him. S,o despite the fact I didnât like the idea, I supported him and his decision.â
Just by taking a look at some popular military blogs and Facebook pages, itâs easy to see the astronomical amount of support loved ones give to their military family members and friends, even if they donât necessarily like the idea at all. They donât see their loved ones for long periods of time and communication is limited. I started inquiring about his absence. I asked how long it had been since heâd shipped out of basic training and whether or not sheâd heard from him yet.
âIt has been three weeks since he left. Five weeks until I can see him again.â She starting breaking down, taking deep breaths and long pauses between thoughts. âIâve written him so many letters Iâve lost count…and still no responseâŠItâs so difficult not talking to him on a regular basis…We used to talk every nightâŠâ It started to look as though she might cry. I grabbed some tissues from my desk drawer, just in case. She continued, âEarlier today I was eating lunch with some friends…after checking my mailbox again…and I completely broke. I thought Iâd been handling the whole separation issue fairly well, but for some reasonâŠâ She couldnât continue.
There aren’t enough words to express the loneliness she was feeling right then. It was only three weeks after heâd left! But then she added something I wasnât expecting.
âYou canât dwell on it though. I definitely canât dwell on it. I keep thinking of it as âThe longer heâs away, the closer I am to seeing him again.’â
I canât imagine how many times the supportive spouse has to remind themselves of that comment, think of the separation as something else entirely. I almost dreaded asking my next question, âHave you thought about him going overseas? Nowadays, with active duty, thereâs a very good chance he would be put right into the thick of things.â
âOh yes. Itâs an unavoidable thought. But anything happening to him…Thatâs a worst-case scenario. Should the unimaginable happen, I wouldnât even be able to handle life. I would be the equivalency of a puddle of tears of the floor.â
This thought runs through her head almost every day. A quick search of military casualties in the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars reveals that over 4,500 American soldiers have lost their lives thus far and thatâs only an estimate. Imagine if one of your loved one was part of that statistic.
I asked her about their future plans, if he wants to enlist for longer than four years and what her thoughts were about raising a family while he was away.
âWe havenât talked about that yet, although I know we both want children. Iâm already dealing with the stress of planning a wedding and going through college all on my own, so it might be possible to handle raising children on my own as well. If he wants to make a career out of the military, we have Skype and phones and all the wonders of technology to make it work, but like I said, thatâs still way in the future.â
I believe with all my heart that we canât forget those who fight the fights of loneliness and worry at home. They go through just as much heartache as their husbands, wives, and fiancĂ©s serving in uniform do. They deal with separation and make do with the occasional letters or phones they might receive. To dive into their emotional stresses is to enter their heart, a place of love and strength. I end this article with a quote from John Milton, a quote this young woman said has helped her through the emotional distress more than anything else: âLong is the way, and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.â