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Going into college, nobody tells you what you need to do. You find out what to do, like a week before it needs turned in or done. What’s even worse? Right now, I am a junior going into my senior year in the fall. I could’ve graduated in the fall of 2021 but now I cannot because I am not ready to apply for medical school.

We take a test called the MCAT, which basically is a super-advanced SAT. I am so scared to take this test babes. What is going through my mind: what if I fail? How should I dress? I have to wait a whole month for results! I have to take it twice! What if I do badly both times?

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It’s hard on me. I spend nights lying awake wondering how I could be a doctor. When I doubt myself I remember, there’s a lot of people who I want to make proud. My bachelor’s degree by far will do the job, but this is different. Before my memaw died she was so proud of me. She told me that she was so proud that I was going to make a good life and become a doctor. Making her proud amongst my brother, mom, grandma and many more is all I ever want.

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Then these things enter my mind: I am so fat! When have you ever seen a plus-sized doctor? What is I cause someone to die? When should I have kids? What if I can’t have kids because of my PCOS? What if I wait too long? What if I don’t pass my boards?

You know what? I have never stopped for a "what-if" and that’s what keeps me going. If you stop for that what if you’ll never know if you could’ve. So, I continue this extremely long and hard journey. Making the people I love the most proud is my biggest goal and I cannot wait to achieve it.

Alicia is an aspiring doctor. She intends to graduate from IUP in 2022 and attend Medical School directly after to become a medical doctor specializing in pediatrics. She enjoys watching movies, hanging with friends, and community service. She is a dog lover and has a pug names Porky that makes her smile on her worst days. Family is everything to her as you probably have read.
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