When I was little I didn’t have a lot of friends. I had maybe two super close friends in elementary school so I didn’t have someone at all times. I feel like this was kind of detrimental to my social life because I never stood up for myself. I didn’t know my self-worth. Now, I have lots of friends and I am making a leader of myself. Some things get in the way of that though. A statement lives in my mind rent-free, “wow, you really talk a lot don’t you?”. I do talk a lot actually. It hurts me deeply to know someone that is supposed to be one of my biggest supporters said that to me. What also hurts is that the reason I talked so much that day is that I haven’t seen them in over a year. I wanted to share my life. I wanted to share my achievements. I wanted to fit a full year’s worth of events in one conversation.
How is it fair that I should feel bad about that? It has been a year since I was told that and I think about it every day. What should I be sorry for exactly? What did I do wrong? All questions I think about. I don’t know. I just don’t know how you could interrupt someone talking about the most important things to them and say something like that.
So yes, I do talk a lot. I talk a lot because I have important things in my life that I am proud of. I talk a lot because I want to share my stories. I talk a lot because I love to socialize after years of isolation. I talk a lot because that is just who I am now. If you cannot accept that then you cannot accept me. I will move up in my life to my biggest goals with or without negativity.
I have to remind myself every single day why I am still here. I have to tell myself that it’s hard now but it will be better in the long term. I have to tell myself that I will reach my goals. I have to remind myself who this is for. So just remember this: next time I tell you something about my life, maybe it’s because it meant so much to me for you to know. Remember that maybe it gave me a hint of relief that everything is going to work out.
Words hurt. Words said by the ones you love though, hurt the most.