Some people have no clue what it is like to be bigger in the world today. Having an autoimmune disorder, I have always struggled with weight. With this being said, I have always struggled with bullies and confidence. We will start with food. I talked in a previous article about being fat and ordering in restaurants. I always order last, second guess myself, and see what the other person is getting first. I hate sitting in the middle of the dining room at a restaurant because I feel like everyone is staring at me. I usually don’t pick the place we eat either. This is because I am afraid of how others see me based on what I eat. Just because you are bigger or smaller does not mean you eat more or less than you should. That is a huge misconception that needs to be addressed.
Another thing that I have coped with is clothing. Online shopping is how I usually do it since in-store doesn’t carry my size. Shein has become a big place to purchase cute, affordable clothing for women and they have a plus section online. However, ordering off of Shein is tricky because it comes from China. Therefore, to order and not feel bad about myself, I get the largest size in everything I buy. Imagine how this makes me feel. I wear a 2XL shirt but I have to buy a 3,4, or 5XL shirt so I don’t feel bad about myself because clothing places do not run the same size.
Let’s talk about in-store shopping though! Recently, I was at the Ross Park Mall, one of the biggest malls in Western PA to go to. The American Eagle there was HUGE, so initially I was like awesome I’m going to go get some new jeans and shorts for the weather coming. Well, my AE carries all of the new sizes 00-30 but apparently, this AE only carries to size 14. Which is fine but I wear a size 20. Imagine how I felt when I asked the girl working (who may I add was a size 10) if they had jeans for bigger people and she announced through her headset so everyone working there knew about my size. Shopping with my skinny friends is always fun too. My friends range from small to large, some the same size as me but mostly just those. So here they are picking up things, having a good time, 30 things in hand. Here is me, 3 things in hand, tries them on and none of them fit, having a terrible time, picking up larges and XL because they don’t carry anything bigger. It is demeaning and embarrassing. My favorite thing though is when we walk into a store and the workers ask my skinny friends if they need help but not me. That’s a cherry on top to my self-esteem.
These are just some of the many things I have to cope with as a bigger person. Regardless of who I am inside, people will only see me for what I appear as. Nobody should feel like this. Nobody should have to stand there and feels bad about asking for a size only to be told “ the bigger ones are online sorry” or given bad looks. No one should have to come home from shopping with 3 things when your friends come home with 3 bags full of things. Here is the bottom line: carry bigger sizes or stop making people feel bad about who they are. Again, I said it before but I’ll say it again. SOME. PEOPLE. CANNOT. HELP. THEIR. WEIGHT. WHETHER. BIG. OR. SMALL. SO. STOP. JUDGING. ON. APPEARANCE. PERIOD
