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Let me just preface this by saying that I do genuinely enjoy school. I like learning new things and exploring new ideas. 

But more often than not, I find myself wondering if it's all really worth it. 

Believe me, I know how that sounds. 

I should be happy, grateful even. Higher education is a privilege that not everyone has access to. And I know, of course, it will be worth it in the end because hard work really does pay off. 

But lately, it feels like school has been less about learning and more about meeting deadlines. 

And I hate that. I really do. 

Since March, schools everywhere have switched to online learning in light of a global pandemic. Both teachers and students alike have had to cope with the sudden transition from face-to-face to remote instruction.

It's been nearly seven months since. I didn't anticipate I would be spending my senior year alone in my apartment, but here I am. 

I want to be a good student, and I think for the most part that I am. But I don't feel like I'm living up to my full academic potential.

It's incredibly disheartening. 

We're only six weeks into the fall semester and I have to take everything day by day because the truth is, I have little to no desire to learn right now.

It's just not the same. And it's sad. 

Frankly, it's exhausting.

Everything is so overwhelming and stressful, so I'm not going to pretend it's not easy.

But I'm not going to give up either, because if I don't do it, no one else will. 

Michaela Shaw is currently the vice president and senior editor of the Her Campus chapter at Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Michaela is also a member of Active Minds, Alpha Kappa Delta, the National Society for Leadership and Success, Sociology Club, and Psi Chi. She also volunteers with Hopeful Hearts, a grief support group for children and families. After completing an internship in Alleghany County, she will graduate in August with a dual baccalaureate in Psychology and Sociology and a minor in Child and Adult Advocacy Studies. She intends on pursuing a master's degree in Social Work with a concentration on Children, Youth and Families. She likes video games, reading, rainy days, vinyl records, Thai food, and spending time with her cat, Ron. 
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