As college girls we have become all too familiar with the awkward, all too vague stage just past Kilroys one-night stand and right before being fbo. Every item has their own label be it “friends-with-benefits,” “together but not,” or my personal favorite, “thursday night hookup.” Lets be real though, in general they fall apart. Sure you tried to break out of the not official couple limbo, but in the end you never quite made it out of his phone as “Jessica-pink shirt”.
Maybe you freaked him out with the “what are we?” talk. Or it possibly could have been the 12 straight voicemails after one too many shots of grape Karkov. Regardless of what it was, homeboy decided it was time to put things to rest. He moved onto Allie-Brunette and you’ve moved on to Pizza-X.
The awful thing about unofficial breakups is they’re just that, they’re not actually breakups. They don’t warrant tissues, a Titanic marathon, or a steamy night with Ben and Jerry. What they do warrant is some very important steps to ensure you’ll be over him and on to the next one.
1. DELETE HIS NUMBER: No but seriously, delete it. When I say this, I don’t mean change his name in your phone to “douchebag” with 10 angry emoticons. Sure it looks threatening sober but after a night of hairy bears there’s no way any emojis could scare me out of calling someone. I also don’t mean the ever clever putting his number into your roomie’s phone. Sure you deleted it from YOUR phone, but you can guess come Friday 2 AM you’ll be grabbing her iphone as you sprint to the Sports bathroom stall to call him.
2. Expand your horizons: Something in common that all of my prior filings have? I’ve met them all at parties. You know the guy. You chat him up for 20 minutes in the frat basement, share a couple romantic shots, and then suddenly you’re hooked. “OMG he likes ‘This is Indiana’ and so do I! We have soo much in common!” Now that’s not to say great guys can’t be found at parties because lets be real, at IU we all party (douchebags and nice guys alike). Yet expanding your guydar to classes, school clubs, etc. could prove to be pretty beneficial. For one you’ll be guaranteed to have more in common than just a mutual love for vodka.
3. Don’t go out looking for love: 99% of the time I go out in my hottest bodycon dress expecting to meet a new boy I go home empty handed (minus a bottle of wine). In general the only male attention you’ll be getting is from concerned sober monitors. The nights you go out completely casual just looking for a fun night with your friends? Bingo. It’s the nights where you aren’t looking for anything that turn out to be the most successful. And newsflash! In general the guy chatting you up while you’re in jeans and a t-shirt may end up being better than the guy feeding you alchohol as your skin tight LBD continues to rise, I know tough concept.
4. Don’t dwell on a mistake, move on: Alright so you slipped up. Maybe you didn’t listen to #1, maybe you ran into him at the bar after a long night, or maybe he called you up because Allie-Brunette fell through. Regardless of what it was, you woke up next to him and are preparing for your walk of shame. This is where us girls tend go wrong. We think that after a revisit to hookup memory lane he will suddenly realize you were the one for him. Unfortunately if he wasn’t into you then, he more than likely won’t be now. Continuing to be his hookup will not take you anywhere but a guarantee booty call for him. If you’re completely over all feelings you had for him and are just in need of a good hookup then more power to you, use him at your desire. Yet if you still think of him everytime “Someone Like You” pops up on shuffle, it’s time to move on.
5. Play it casual (during the day): Sure we go to a school of 40,000 but we all know that running into exactly who you don’t want to, exactly when you don’t want to is inevitable. In general everytime I run into an ex-fling, I can be seen in a food stained t-shirt, norts, and a hot-mess of hair. Sure shows him what he’s missing out on. I’m not saying glam it up for class, because that’s just ridiculous. However trading in the highschool varsity soccer sweats for yoga pants and a zip-up may make your SPEA run in with him that much less traumatizing. Flash a casual smile and just keep walking (I know, easier said than done).
(at night):Run into him at a bar? Do not make a dramatic bathroom exit with your entourage. Just continue to casually sip on your AMF and dance with your friends (or a different guy, bonus points for that). DO NOT STARE. Even if you don’t think you’re staring, you probably are. If you know you’re staring then you’re probably getting creepy. Unfortunately for us girls, the more we drink, the less sly we get.
6. Learn for next time: We’re young adults, we don’t have to expect every guy to be our future husband. To our dismay, as the world has it, we can’t ALL marry Ryan Gosling. We can however date around and learn from the mistakes of our past flings. Be it taking things slower, faster, whatever, it’s all a learning process. Safe to say the next guy won’t appreciate the drunk tears, spray tan stained sheets, or whatever ended it with the previous man. However with that said, never completely change your crazy college self for any guy. This is our four years to live for ourselves and have fun (Insert ever cliche YOLO quote here).