September 7, 2011
Today my boyfriend and I decided to take a week break and reevaluate things after that. I realized after choosing this that his birthday is the day before our break is over. FML
Stephen and I started dating at the beginning of our senior year, August 7. When I decided to attend IU and he decided to attend the satellite Purdue campus where we live, I knew trouble would ensue.
We had our ups and downs, almost break ups, and break throughs; we always talked it out and remained together. However, I ventured home over Labor Day weekend to visit my mom, my dog Sam I have had since fifth grade, Stephen, and the two puppies Stephen and I adopted over the summer. I hung out with Stephen, worked Saturday night, had dinner with some friends Sunday, and returned Monday afternoon.
Being home had begun as my stress relief, but once I was back in my dorm room making my bed I realized one very important thing: being here, away from Stephen, gave me so much relief I could have aided Hurricane Katrina.
We were talking on the phone, then fighting, and finally hanging up repeatedly. I did not know what to do. So I suggested a break.
Am I in a relationship with him because I want to be and love him or is it because I want to be in love with someone. I know I want that fairytale “we fell in love, and were together ever since” mumbo jumbo, but something tells me that is not enough.
I am afraid of being hurt, I know that. I do know I love him. I know I want to cry every time I think about not being with him. I know that he quickly said ok to the break after fighting me for forever on breaking up. I know he annoys the heck out of me. I know that he irritates me and gets on my nerves repeatedly. I know he loves me. I know he would do anything for me. I know we share two dogs and we both love them more than anything (except Sam).
I don’t know if he will say yes to being together after this. I don’t know what (or who) will come from this break. I don’t know if I’ll survive the week or if I will give in and text or call him. I don’t know what clarity will come out of this for him. I don’t know how much he will love or possibly trust me after this.
I deleted his number from my phone and the entire text thread we had. I am going to be strong and get through this week so I can finally know if he is the one for me or if I should continue searching.