At only 10 years old, I remember my older cousins telling me that they planned on falling in love at 20, getting married at 25 and having at least three children before 30. Yikes! When they asked me when I was planning on getting married and having children, I told them I still wasn’t sure what I was going to have for lunch the next day. To this day, most of my friends are set on having children. They giggle and laugh about having children of their own one day while I politely smile and nod, screaming on the inside. I always thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting children and that I was selfish or unfeminine for not wanting kids. Cristina Yang was the first character I’d ever seen on television who made it clear that she didn’t want children, and *SPOILER ALERT* she stayed true to that decision throughout her time on the show. She didn’t hate children, and she wasn’t a cruel person; she just didn’t feel she needed to have kids, and she was satisfied with putting all of her attention into her career. As an ode to Cristina, here are four reasons why you shouldn’t feel guilty about not wanting children.
Childbirth
As many of us may know from talking with our mothers, watching The Miracle of Life in high school health class or keeping up with the Kardashian’s many pregnancies, pregnancy is not a piece of cake. Not only does your body go through physical changes, but according to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, women can develop hormone imbalances, depression, compulsive disorders and even diabetes during and after pregnancy. Also, for many women, childbirth can be a painful and long process that can lead to postpartum depression. So for anyone who says pregnancy isn’t that big of a deal and the worst side effect is weight gain, that couldn’t be further from the truth.
You’re Career Driven
Tracee Ellis Ross gave a fantastic speech with Glamour on why career driven women shouldn’t feel guilty or less than for not having children.There’s this odd idea that in order to be a successful woman, you have to balance children, a marriage and your career all at once. As incredible as it is for women who can do that, not every woman should be expected to do the same. If you have long hours at work or you’re constantly traveling, it’s hard to be fully attentive to a child and for some women, working where they love is enough.
You Shouldn’t Have to Raise Kids You Don’t Want
It’s so, so upsetting to hear about couples having children just because they feel it’s something they have to do. Children aren’t toys; when you say you’re planning on having a child, you’re really saying that you’re planning on raising a living being and giving up a part of yourself to make sure they can have the best life possible.If you end up having children that you don’t necessarily want, most often you won’t be able to give your children all the attention and care they need.
It’s Your Body and Your Choice
This one is by far the most important! Every time I tell someone I don’t plan on having children they always ask me why, and I usually feel inclined to tell them it’s because I’m too selfish, I’m not mature enough, etc. when really it’s none of their business! You don’t owe anyone an explanation for why you don’t plan on having children. It’s your body and your life, and if you just simply don’t want children without any deeper reasoning, that’s still a valid reason that you shouldn’t feel guilty about for not wanting children.