People say long-distance relationships don’t work in college — that eventually, someone will stray. But that hasn’t been my experience.
As a high school sweetheart myself (voted in my high school’s yearbook), our love hasn’t been left behind. We’ve been together for years, built something steady and real, and we weren’t going to let it go because the following years would look different. We knew that college would bring change, not just to our academic life, but to our relationship, too.
Sometimes my boyfriend would joke, “You chose to go far away.” I’d reply by telling him off jokingly. But as much as it stung, he was right. When deciding where to go to college, we knew exactly what we were doing. We didn’t fall into long-distance by accident; we chose it. We promised early on that we wouldn’t make this decision based on each other. We would follow our own paths — even if it meant being approximately 250 miles apart.
To those who knew us, it made sense. To everyone else, it sounded unrealistic. I won’t sugarcoat it. Yes, it’s hard sometimes. Yes, it’s different from the typical “college experience.” But for us, what we have is worth so much more than that. Staying together was the easy decision — adjusting to what that would actually look like took far more work.
The harsh reality of long distance
A long-distance relationship isn’t as dramatic as it’s played out on the big screen. It isn’t constant heartbreak over late-night phone calls, and it isn’t romanticized, tearful reunions every weekend. In movies and TV shows, long-distance is often portrayed as an all-consuming romance or a tragedy. But that’s not the whole story. The Lexington Line points out “that film repeatedly glosses over the everyday effort relationships require”. The media misses the most crucial part: the in-between.
There are days when life gets in the way. When the promised FaceTime or call doesn’t happen because one of us is swamped with homework. When we’re too tired to talk but still want to feel close. There are times I feel lonely, even when my friends surround me. I get jealous of people who spend every day with their partner or friends who can bring their significant other to events. There are moments where I’m at events and heartbroken because I just want him to be there — and he can’t be.
There’s been bickering about planning to visit, misunderstandings, tears, and even moments of doubt. Instead of pushing those feelings aside, pretending we’re fine, we talked about them. We’ve learned to be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable. Our relationship won’t work like it did in high school. We couldn’t rely on daily routines or constant closeness. It’s important that we let our relationship grow. And in the process, we grew as individuals, learning to navigate the complexities of a long-distance relationship.
At the same time, I was navigating a college social scene, which led me to be surprised by how “out of place” I sometimes felt. Hook-up culture is loud in the dorms, parties, and group chats. It’s not said, but a committed relationship can feel isolating in a space that often celebrates being unattached and free. I’ve been in places where it felt like I was on the outside looking in, hearing people talking about their latest hook-up story or funny flirting encounters.
I couldn’t contribute to those conversations; my experience was just different. I never wished to trade places with them. I’ve always been grateful to have been in a committed relationship. I know people who wish they had found love as early as I did. I just wanted to feel like I belonged in both places.
How we make it work
Over time, we found a new routine that helped us stay close, even when we were far apart. Seeing each other at school changed to calling each other on the way to class. I even memorized his schedule to know when he would call me. Being able to set specific times for those calls helped us feel more connected.
It may sound simple, but choosing each other daily, even from afar, takes patience and flexibility. Stepping away and acknowledging that you can’t always be by their side is hard. Setting new expectations for each other became part of how we grew:
- We don’t call all day, every day, and we don’t expect each other to do it every day.
- We check in even if it’s a quick text or sending a random photo from our days.
- We’re honest if something feels off, even if it’s small.
- We support each other’s independence. We’re not trying to control each other’s college experience; we’re just trying to be a part of it, even virtually.
Making a long-distance relationship work involves not only each other, but also showing up for ourselves. I’ve learned to find comfort in my routines that don’t include him. Having time to myself, without the pressure to be on call or texting every moment, helped me maintain balance. When the distance feels too much, I lean on things to shift my focus. I have my friends, and I became involved in clubs, sports, and new opportunities that excited me. I had to stop viewing my independence as something that pulled me away from him and our relationship, and start to see it as something that helped me show up better in it. My involvement in clubs gave me a sense of fulfillment and independence and led me to share stories of my day with my boyfriend, making our conversations more engaging.
Long distance didn’t just test our communication; it improved it. Because we were apart, we couldn’t rely on shared silences, small gestures, or physical intimacy to communicate our feelings. We became intentional with our words, checking in even when things were uncomfortable. We learned to say, “This upset me” or “I want to feel closer to you”, even if we were nervous about being honest with one another. Over time, openness became a part of how we supported each other as partners and as people discovering ourselves in different places.
Knowing someone is rooting for me, even if they’re not directly beside me, has carried me through the hardest days. I spent a lot of time in the photo lab this past semester, editing and printing for hours at a time. He would often call me while I worked, keeping me company even from a distance. I could feel his presence beside me as he encouraged me, congratulated me on my progress, and reminded me of my hard work and efforts.
Is it worth it?
Long-distance relationships in college aren’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying. A relationship with strong foundations of trust, communication, and mutual respect can mean distance won’t necessarily tear it apart. It challenges growth as individuals while still showing up for each other, and that growth can be so rewarding.
However, not every relationship is meant to survive the shift. If communication breaks down more than it builds up, if one or both partners start resenting the distance, or if being a part begins to feel like a burden rather than a shared commitment, it’s okay to reevaluate the situation. Long distance should test the limits, but it shouldn’t break them.
There’s no “one-size-fits-all” definition of a successful long-distance relationship. Some couples talk daily, others every few days—some visit often, others only during breaks. I’ve realized love isn’t just about being there physically, but choosing each other repeatedly, even when it’s hard. It taught me to communicate better, be more patient, and trust both him and myself. What truly matters is what is best for both people, so both partners feel heard, supported, and loved, not how it compares to others’ expectations or ideals.
After every visit home, he’d send me back with a bouquet for my dorm, a small but constant reminder that I was loved, supported, and never really alone. Those moments, as small as they were, meant everything. And they reminded me to be grateful for the time we’d spent together and apart, as that we will always show up for each other no matter the distance.
Long-distance relationships may not be perfect and are not always easy, but they are possible. A relationship rooted in something real is undoubtedly worth the effort.