It was the summer of 2023. I was planning to head off to college in the fall, and I was working as a camp counselor for the second year in a row. If I am being honest though, that was the last thing that was on my mind.
At the camp, using phones was strictly forbidden; they would yell at you if you were caught. However, I could sneak a look at my phone whenever I could. You may be asking why is that? It was because at that time I was texting a guy. A guy who had also worked at the same camp with me a year prior.
After I was done working with him in the summer of 2022, I entered my senior year in high school. He was over two years older and in college, so we were only friends.
Of course, I had a small (or maybe big) crush on him. I mean, who wouldn’t? He was kind, funny, and so much more. I remember how all the girls who worked at the camp looked at him – he was pretty much everyone’s crush. Out of all the girls who had crushed on him, though, the last thing I had expected was for him to like me.
Fast forward to the summer of 2023, I am now a high school graduate working my last summer as a camp counselor before I go to Ithaca. He wasn’t working at the camp again, but we sometimes still texted occasionally. I never in a million years would have expected anything more than a friendship. However, that summer is when things started to change.
We went from talking occasionally to almost every day. The conversations started off friendly, however, something quickly shifted and before I knew it, all of them were flirtatious. I was confused, shocked, and to be honest, mostly excited. His compliments always felt so good. He knew how to charm a girl. Honestly, I was not used to this much attention, especially from a man I considered to be built like a Greek god.
And that’s where sneakily looking at my phone comes in. He would text me throughout the day, and I was so excited to hear from him that the last thing I wanted to do was leave him on “delivered” for a long time. So, whenever I could, I would go to the bathroom to sneak a text or two.
I remember the feeling I would get when he would text me. It was like a rush of overwhelming excitement. I specifically remember one morning I had told him that I had a crush on him, and I was pacing back and forth. He responded in less than a minute and said he liked me, too. I was legit over the moon – you have no idea. However, when it got to talking about what was next, he told me and I quote, “ I don’t date”. I was confused but decided to just ask, “So what would this be then?” He replied, “ I would be down for a FWB (friend with benefits).”
I was shocked, but trying to process it all before I asked, “Well, would we be exclusive?” And he said no! Which was totally the answer I wanted.
I was thinking, So you told me you liked me too, but don’t want to date me or even be exclusive with me? Nonetheless, I told him I needed some time to think about it.
I ultimately decided against it as I was going to college in a couple of weeks. He was respectful and kind about it; however, the flirting did not end. If I’m being honest, I didn’t want it to stop, even if he told me he didn’t want to date. Having this attention somehow just made me feel better than I could imagine.
There was the use of multiple pet names, often calling me his baby, cutie, beautiful, and much more. We also discussed him coming from SUNY Binghamton to see me and vice versa. A part of me knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t help it.
I knew that we weren’t dating; I mean, how could we be when he told me he “didn’t do relationships.” Not to mention the fact he was over 40 minutes away from me. But I also knew we weren’t just friends. At this point, the line had been crossed from friendship territory to something much deeper. He was always there when I needed him, constantly reassuring me how much he truly liked me, how beautiful I was, how much he wanted to visit me, and how much he wanted to kiss me.
I thought I was living this rom-com life with the hottest guy alive! That was, until sometime in mid-October. He decided to say “See ya” and just completely stop talking to me! He ignored the messages I sent. Every single one. Every time I tried, I was left on “delivered.” I knew he was still viewing my stories and was active all the time, but I was so confused – and honestly, a little heartbroken. I knew his intentions, but I fell for him. Hard. Like going down a steep hill on a bike with no brakes, hard. And him just not answering and falling off the face of the earth hurt me.
Then, it was Valentine’s Day and I was checking my Instagram feed. I then remember seeing his name pop up with a new Instagram story. Curious, I decided to click on it and saw he had posted another girl for Valentine’s Day – his girlfriend. I then realized that he ghosted me because he had started dating her.
I was shocked. However, that shock quickly turned into anger, which was followed by sadness. He told me he never did relationships. My first thought was maybe he changed his mind and that’s okay. But the more I thought about it, I realized it wasn’t that he didn’t date – he just didn’t want to date me. Maybe it was the age gap or because we didn’t go to the same school, but seeing him post another girl hurt me. Did part of me wish it was me? Yes. I spent three months having this online relationship that was so much more than a friendship, all for it to end, and to see him hard-launch his relationship on Instagram. It hurt me a lot.
However, two weeks later, I started to realize my self-worth, how beautiful I am on the inside and out, and that although for a while he did make me happy, I didn’t need his validation. All that he did was make promise after promise after promise. After he had ghosted me, I started to realize that wasn’t something I wanted to have.
Around the end of my freshman year, I decided to go out one night. That night I made the stupid decision to Snapchat him as a test, (he recently started liking my Instagram pictures again). And to my surprise, he actually answered me. We got to talking, and that’s when he finally confirmed that the reason he ghosted me was because he had a girlfriend.
He told me he missed me and that he could never forget about me. If he were to say this to me three months ago, I would’ve been over the moon, but as he was saying these things to me, I had no reaction. It didn’t mean anything to me. I no longer needed his validation, as I was secure within myself, and he didn’t matter to me anymore. What he said to me didn’t matter because I knew I was happy, and I knew I was feeling confident in myself.
So, to the question you may ask, “ Are situationships actually worth it?” I would say no. While it did feel good temporarily, nothing ever happened, and all it did in the long run was get my hopes up. But, I do think that situationships could act as a great learning experience. Without my crazy story, I don’t think I would have been able to be so confident in myself, and be able to move on. So, please use this as a cautionary tale the next time someone tells you, “I don’t date.”