Emerging from the London tube into Hammersmith Station en route to the Eventim Apollo theatre, I felt untethered and electric.
I flew to London alone to see Clairo in concert.
Walking towards the venue, I heard two girls up ahead — who had shared a tube car with me — discussing which song they were most looking forward to. Shyly, I interrupted and asked (despite my already knowing) if they were going to the concert. Upon hearing my very non-English accent, they responded with a slew of questions: how far I had traveled, if I had seen Clairo before, if it was my first time in London, and if I came alone.
We became friends for the night. Close in age, we passed the nearly five hours in line by exchanging stories about university (in their words) and what types of careers we wanted to pursue in life. We compared cultural slang terms amongst our generation, and we shared a bucket of Popeyes fried chicken.
Just two weeks prior to that night, I spontaneously decided to splurge on a resale ticket for Clairo’s Charm Tour. I was already studying abroad in Spain, so the journey itself wasn’t an exhaustive feat. But I had never traveled somewhere on my own.
Separate from the international aspect of this experience, however, was also the fact that I was going to a concert alone for the first time. People seeing me alone at an event so normally enjoyed amongst friends was something I felt embarrassed about. I almost didn’t buy the ticket. But I decided to embrace the independence. I didn’t let my anxieties of how other people perceive me be a barrier from something I so badly wanted to experience. And I would do it again, but not necessarily for any type of artist, and that rationale comes down to the modern state of fan culture and concert etiquette.
With arena-sized concert lineups like Billie Eilish, discourse around the modern-day concert environment has explored how the rising parasociality of the fan-artist dynamic has produced an unstable passion that has bled into these live event spaces.
At concerts, audiences are up close and personal with possibly their biggest idols, and this is never truer than with smaller venues that generally position attendees shoulder to shoulder with other fans in standing room. A Clairo concert is an astute example of this intimate atmosphere.
My concert resume is extensive and pretty varied –– the biggest ones being Stevie Nicks, Slow Pulp, Olivia Rodrigo, Billy Joel, Harry Styles, Billie Eilish, Bruce Springsteen, Taylor Swift, The Rolling Stones, and Dua Lipa –– and I’ve come across a range of energies from these different fan bases. Some use silence as a chance to scream out disruptive messages to the performers, while some go as far as throwing things onstage.
Every audience member on the floor of the Eventim Apollo radiated a sense of warmth. Maybe I gave off “This American has never been to a concert alone before,” but regardless, it was a fan base that granted me the unexpected joy of feeling lost. I could find a piece of myself in each person who stood beside me, whether it be through the way someone dressed or which song on the setlist they most strongly reacted to. And even if I didn’t necessarily resonate with those around me — it was a live atmosphere of tranquility. The stage set was decorated with comforting warm light, a champagne colored curtain backdrop and a vintage piano. Clairo and her bandmates kicked off the set by each enjoying a glass of wine, on stage. If you’ve ever listened to Clairo’s music, this atmosphere doesn’t come as a shock. Even the significant others who were clearly forced to attend glanced up from the stark glow of their phones to send a welcoming smile in my direction and take in the warmth.
The sense of autonomy and adventure of going alone was enough to overpower the anxieties of appearing awkward or weird for going by myself. Embarking on this challenge was so beneficial, because when I look back on this night, all I remember are those two girls from the tube who accepted me with open arms. If I had not faced my fear of being perceived, I would not have learned from them the interesting differences between our mutually English-speaking cultures, and I may not have felt as comfortable entering that venue without people by my side, even if those people were strangers. Even if I hadn’t found those girls, I am confident I would’ve been just fine because of the atmosphere of this particular fan base, and I think that says a lot about the climate of live events.
So, I would attend a concert as a solo-goer again. Each group of fans evokes a unique type of community — and that is just fine. I do think I would think twice about taking the same leap as I did when deciding to attend a concert alone, because whether it’s my safety as a woman or how included I may feel in the comradery of the crowd, I think certain artists and certain genres of music may not be as comforting as Clairo’s smooth indie pop and the type of fans that come along with that.