Lately, a lot of my hometown friends have been getting married and if I’m honest, it’s weird…I’m happy for them but it’s strange shifting into an age where it’s normal to get married. Most people these days are getting married in their thirties or even forties but there’s still a sprinkling of twenty-somethings who are getting hitched. But getting married in your twenties makes sense…You’re an adult and most of our parents have gotten married in their twenties. So if you’re in love, why not get married? This article isn’t about throwing yourself a pity party and falling into a pit of regret and self-loathing (mostly) but instead figuring out why it’s so weird that everyone’s getting married.
What makes the Facebook announcements, manilla stamped “save the dates,” and engagement texts so overwhelming is the fear that the deadline for marriage is approaching. The fear that you may not see your friends as often since they’re beginning their new lives as “real adults.” And that you’re not as established (romantically or even career-wise) as you thought you’d be when you were younger. And as someone who’s not a huge fan of commitment or relationships, it’s weird seeing a lot of my friends make these shifts that I don’t feel ready for…
When I was in high school, I pictured at the grand ole age of 21 I’d be living in my own studio apartment, sipping a glass of dark merlot, with a secure job, and maybe a cat. Now that I actually am 21, I’ve discovered that I hate red wine, I’m nowhere near the established place I want to be just yet, but I have a cat pillow.
Growing up, I never dreamed up a big wedding, the perfect white dress, or husband because work and school always came first. Marriage felt like this deadline stamped on my biological calendar that I knew one day I’d have to check off but I didn’t really want to. I’ve always felt guilty and ashamed of this because most girls my age wanted the big fairy tale wedding and I wanted a studio apartment. Seeing most of my friends getting married makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
How do you silently cope with the fact that your friends are getting married while being supportive of their relationship?
Honesty
Tell your newly-wed or engaged friend that you’re happy for them and supportive on their journey, and remember, this is their life, NOT yours. Even if you don’t entirely agree or you think they might be too young, they’re adults and this is their life choice to make. If you feel that the wedding comes up too much in conversation, tell them how you feel, and that you’re a bit uncomfortable only talking about the wedding. I’m sure they’ll understand.
Let Yourself Cry
I told you it might get a little self-loathing. If you’re feeling scared or uncertain about what your friendship will look like after the marriage, you’re uncertain of your own future and getting married, or you’re just feeling sad…Cry. Have you ever just had a good cry and taken a nap after? That’s honestly one of the best things ever.
Talk to Your Single Friends
Remember to talk about how you feel with other single friends, there’s a good chance they feel the exact same way and that your discontent with the wedding might be a sign that something else is going on in your own life. And it’s good to talk to other single people who just get it.