I have never been dazzled by the idea of motherhood. I have been surrounded by a plethora of strong idol mothers who have set the bar for excellence in changing diapers, discipline, and education. I think there is sometimes a belief in society that the desire for motherhood is innate in women, but that might not always be the case…
The Women
I admire the young women who desire motherhood. Their ambitions reflect a sense of maturity, selflessness, and strength, especially on a college campus where many women balance two ambitions: motherhood and career advancement. I feel that, at times, there is a stigma around women who want children and who are also furthering their education. I’d dispute any of these. Motherhood is a beautiful part of the female experience, and it’s a marvel that something so valuable can be balanced with work life and education.
Enter Dating Apps
My focus has shifted ever since I tried out dating apps. I was shocked to see how many men displayed a desire for kids on their profiles. Perhaps, by my own naivety, I had always figured this was not something college-aged men thought about, and at the very least, would display openly. And just like that, I had become a black sheep of the college-dating scene. I felt as though I was the only woman who didn’t want children in a sea of men who did. This led me to really consider the effects a shift like this would have on society: men wanting children more than women do.
Baby Trapping
The first place my mind went was the centuries-old idea of “baby trapping.” Baby trapping is the idea that women intentionally get pregnant to “trap” a man in a relationship. This concept has never made sense to me, as it implies that women have the most control over getting pregnant, and further, that a newborn is reason enough for men to stick around. It’s old-fashioned, the concept has holes in it (and not just the ones allegedly poked into condoms), and it feels like a problematic way to demonize women who not only get pregnant but also strive to make their relationships work. But, in a society where women are not willing to sacrifice their bodies for a healthy relationship, would men be at the front of the baby-trapping witch hunts?
Gender Roles
So, let’s say you are a woman who has just been “baby trapped” by your partner. All things considered, you’ve decided to keep this baby and work on your relationship. Now you have a full-time career, are nursing a baby, and working to stay on top of household responsibilities and the never-ending list of life’s nuisances. But wait! This is the society where men want children, so surely, they are balancing taking care of the newborn, the house, and working. Maybe they will even become stay-at-home dads, taking care of the chores and the children, just as women have done for decades, and mom can continue working full-time. Unfortunately, biology is working against new mothers. It’s virtually impossible for a new mother to work, nurse her baby, and handle the onslaught of postpartum symptoms. Meaning yes, in a society where men want children more than women, women still take on a lot of the emotional workload.
Women Who Don’t Want Children
So, in this male-baby-fever society, where is there room for the young women like me, the women who don’t want children at all? Well, maybe we can hope that, as male figures in my life have suggested before, we will “come around” to the idea of motherhood. Again, surely this is innate in us. Surely, this whole time, we have been immature in factoring in the life-altering responsibilities of motherhood. But no, what I see in this society is not that women will change their minds eventually; I see that men will only focus on the future. Men will not see the benefit of short-term relationships with women if they don’t want children. Men will be dating for marriage and for children. Women who don’t want children will become all but extinct unless they find the rare man who also has no desire to have children until the day he dies, which will then cause the subculture of non-child-wanters to be completely extinct.
The Population Problem is Solved
In this society, years in the future, the planet will be repopulated. Everyone will want children or have been trapped into having them, all thanks to the women who didn’t want children and the men who loved them. Only in this dystopia, of course.