To The Friends I No Longer See: An Open Letter

You darlings know who you are:

I miss you all. I imagined the  first time I would write one of these, you wouldn't be the ones I’d address; but some days (like this one) I find myself thinking about how nothing is the same between us, and it breaks my heart. Seeing what you accomplish through Facebook or Twitter doesn’t feel the same as seeing each other every day and talking about our next steps in life. 

It’s weird how I no longer reach out to you whenever something crazy or funny happens. We don’t call each other, or at least text, as much as we said we would, either. I blame myself mostly. I used to tell myself I would go  the extra mile to ensure we wouldn’t lose contact at all. I constantly wish I was a better friend; one that can easily show how dearly she misses everyone. I sometimes play the “it’s part of life” card, because it seems easier than dealing with feelings that I would normally share with any of you. We told each other that this was easy, and it should be easy.

However, when we do text each other, it’s mostly small talk: we ask each other what’s new in  our lives and how are we doing. It’s lovely that we all care, but it’s also sad that we don’t know any details, who the people around us are, or have new inside jokes to share. It sucks that even as we try, it doesn’t feel the same. It makes me wonder if we’d still be friends if we met today instead of years ago; I'd like to think we would.

This isn’t a declaration of “we should do better”; this is me telling you that no matter the distance (both physical and emotional) I still love you dearly. You all have a big part of my heart with your names on it, and I want you to know that you can count on me.

I want you to know that I’m still the same friend from four years ago that will listen to your weird worries and joke about anecdotes. I’m still going to hype you up on social media like crazy and I’ll still think about you  when a song that’s playing on the radio reminds me of you for some reason.

So, text me when you need. Call me, even if y’all know I don’t like phone calls. Do it if you’re feeling sad, if you’re feeling happy, if you can’t stand a classmate, if your job  sucks, if you’re being promoted to something better; it doesn’t matter, because I want to be there for you; even if I have a hard time showing it. In the meantime, I’ll try to do better; that does include me texting to ask for photos that I thought about putting  here.

I don’t think I can find the right words to really tell you  how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and how grateful I am for the changes you all brought to my life. Yes, maybe I wish some things remained the same; but that will never change the fact that I care for you guys,

Always and Forever

PS. Some of you aren’t in this photo, but mean the world to me regardless.