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Sex + Relationships

Realizing You Are in An Abusive Relationship

To the people who have never been in an abusive relationship, you think that it would be the easiest thing to realize. You see girls being controlled by their boyfriends, and you do not understand why they put up with it. However, in reality, most people inside the relationship, do not realize it until they are out of it. At the beginning of my senior year, I had found a boy that in my own perspective, was perfect. He treated me how I had always wanted to be treated, he was kind, caring, and most of all he showed the affection that I thought I wanted. We started out just casually hanging out, texting a lot when we were not together, and calling each other any moment we could. Lucky for me I was graduating in December and I knew I would have even more time to spend with him. You see, abusive relationships do not start out as abusive, or in my situation, it did not. Things did not start changing until about two months after we started dating. In October of 2018, my mom got diagnosed with breast cancer, usually in a distressed time like this families come together and remain strong. My boyfriend, however, almost seemed to want to keep me away. It was little things at first that I did not notice, and I chalked it up to him just wanting to spend more time with me. However, he slowly told me how he did not like my friends, he did not like my parents and told me how he did not want to be around them, he tore me from my youth group, one of the things I loved to go to so dearly on Sunday evenings. So of course, me being as lovestruck as I was, went with what he said and continued to spend most of my time at his house.

It was not until months later when all we did was argue, that I started longing for my friendships back. I started hanging out with my friend that he liked the most, to say the least, and from that point on I would get phone calls of screaming and banter about how I was not with him and did not love him. The times I would go over to his house he made me sit there and watch him play video games, and when he was not playing video games, most of the time I was crying at his harsh words. This was not the boy I had fell in love with just months ago, he no longer sent me those sweet messages, he no longer kissed me just so I could be close, he did those things no longer because he had control of me. I cannot say I was in a physically abusive relationship because he never hit me out of anger. Not to say there were not times he did not leave bruises on me from grabbing me too hard, or “roughhousing.” I could possibly say I was, and I just have not come to terms with it yet. It took my parents sitting me down and having a deep discussion with me about the relationship I was in, to realize what it was. My parents were the only people that were close enough to see what was going on because I no longer had my friends. Realizing I was an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things I have ever done because inside this situation, I never wanted to see it for what it was. I did not want to admit to myself that my sweet boy had turned into this. I do not know if he did it on purpose and I may never know. I do know now more of who I am, and the values of my life I never want to let go of. I am sitting at the University of Indianapolis writing this article, a place where my abuser told me if I went, he would not be with me anymore, but now instead I have my wonderful parents and a group of friends who encourage me to follow my dreams. They do not hold me back or exile me from others. My wonderful youth group welcomed me back with opened arms and essentially helped me realize what I needed to do. I would not want anyone to go through the

situation I did, but in the end, it has helped me realize who I am, and who the person I am becoming is, and for that I am grateful.

Freshman at Uindy English Ed Major and creative writing/Spanish minor I play 5 instruments Libra
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