what’s going on?
In recent years, Valentine’s day has become pretty dramatic. Every store is dressed in pink and red floor-to-ceiling decorations, with oversized teddy bears and bouquets. We’ve all seen that video of the ginormous bouquet strolling down the street and thought: Why won’t someone do that for me? What used to be a simple holiday has slowly morphed into a full-blown circus display of affection. Love isn’t just shown anymore- it’s staged.
In the plethora of changes we’ve seen with social media, we know that almost every action has become performative. This effect is amplified on holidays and celebrations. Valentine’s day is the one day where love is supposed to be visible: posted, proven, packaged and presented. Couples become content, affection becomes aesthetic. Suddenly, all of our taken friends are at the priciest restaurant, perfecting their pictures, poses and outfits.
And instead of care, consistency and affection, love is measured by flowers, jewelry, handbags and otherwise pricey gifts. Even if we deny it, romance becomes something that is seen rather than experienced. Matching outfits, luxury dinners, giant bouquets. It makes some internalize the idea that love has to look a certain way for it to count. Scrolling through highlight reels on Instagram can seem like a window into the intimate lives of other couples- setting the stage for comparison.
This pressure distracts us from what a relationship is supposed to be about: companionship, consistency and care. In young adults, this can be detrimental to their outlook of love.
When love becomes a performance for everyone’s eyes, it loses it’s authenticity.
On a broader scale, the new Valentine’s day culture sends the message that love has to be grandiose, loud and consumer-driven instead of quiet and appreciated. Valentine’s day, like most other American holidays, are a tactic for businesses to boost sales and encourage the idea that love is purchased.
For singles, Valentine’s day seems like a celebration to a party you just can’t get into. It reinforces the idea that being loved directly equates to your worth. And instead of being praised for independence, women often get treated as they are “missing something” or less desirable.
Even within couples, Valentine’s day can induce anxiety. What if I don’t feel special? What if the gift isn’t big enough? What if I don’t get posted? Valentine’s day becomes something that is evaluated publicly on social media by family, friends, peers, colleagues. Likes can give the false idea that your relationship is desired, or something others wish they had. Or the opposite. This false attribution can blur the lines of whether you’re in a relationship you actually value, or whether you’re the star in a performance.
Whether you’re in a relationship, single, or somewhere in between- remember that love is measured by sincerity, not publicity.