As someone who has been in a long-term relationship all throughout college and part of high school, I have struggled balancing personal growth, gaining independence and pressures that come with missing out on hook-up culture and swiping right on dating apps.Â
Figuring out who you are is hard. Growing your personal identity is a constant battle in your late teens and early 20s, but having a long-term significant other can make it harder. You start to blur the lines on who you are and who you are together, and suddenly your individuality feels tied to another person. Change can be scary, not just for you, but for your partner too, especially when you begin to stray from who you once were. Learning how to grow alongside someone without losing yourself in the process is one of the biggest challenges of being in a long-term relationship, especially at such a moldable age.
On top of trying to figure out your values and identity, college is the textbook definition of gaining independence. It’s the first time many students live on their own, make major life decisions and more. In a long-term relationship, that independence can feel complicated; you’re learning how to be your own person, manage your own schedule, while still being emotionally connected to someone else, and this could all be happening long-distance, which isn’t easy to balance.Â
From seeing my roommates go on spontaneous dates and talk to guys at bars, to watching them endlessly swipe on dating apps, the college dating landscape can sometimes feel isolating. There are moments when you wonder what it would be like to be single, carefree and open to endless possibilities. You may feel like you are “missing out” on experiences everyone else seems to be having, or face social pressures to be single, especially if it is trendy to not be in a relationship. These thoughts can lead to guilt, confusion, and even doubt about your relationship.
However, these feelings are normal. Questioning your path does not mean you love your partner any less, it means you are growing! Long-term relationships in college come with unique struggles, but they also offer stability, comfort and deep emotional connection. Having someone who knows you through every stage of growth is incredibly special; you learn communication, compromise and emotional maturity in ways that casual dating rarely teaches. At the end of the day, choosing a long-term relationship in college is choosing intentional growth. It’s about supporting each other’s dreams, respecting individuality and evolving together; the love, trust and partnership you build can be more meaningful than anything you swipe past on a screen.
