Starting a new relationship with someone is a thrilling, whirlwind experience. Every touch feels out of this world, and simply getting a “good morning” text gives you butterflies! It’s the honeymoon phase in all of its nauseatingly cute glory. And then … you have your first fight. Starting to fight can often be the pass or fail test for a new relationship. Here are three ways to resolve conflicts effectively.
1. Avoid personal attacks.
When someone does something to hurt you, it’s extremely difficult to see their side of the story. All you can think about is how bad you feel, and wonder how the other person could have let that happen. Communication is so important, and you definitely shouldn’t keep your feelings to yourself, even if you feel like you are overreacting. However, when you do tell your partner how you feel, be cautious of personal criticisms. Focus on saying what it was that the person did to upset you. It’s okay to call an action thoughtless and insensitive, but when you call a person those things it crosses the line into being disrespectful. If you start attacking someone it puts them in a position to be defensive rather than understanding, and nothing can get resolved.
2. Try to resolve conflicts in person.
It’s so easy to resort to fighting through technology, especially because these methods allow us to say how we feel without getting choked up. But, there is so much lost in translation when you don’t fight in person. Saying how you feel over text can result in misread tones of voice, emotions and just plain misunderstanding of what the other person is saying altogether! Something that sounds cold over text may not be how the other person intended for you to read it at all. Not to mention if you’re in it with someone for the long haul, you’ll have to conquer your fear of saying exactly how you feel – even if that means crying – eventually. It’s definitely easier said than done allowing yourself to be vulnerable, but it’s worth it and helps strengthen the relationship. If you’re in long distance, try to resolve conflicts over video chat or the phone, but still avoid texting as much as possible.
3. Apologize when YOU do something wrong.
We’re all going to make mistakes and say and do things that we look back on as not being the best choices. It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong, especially if you’re not usually one to mess up. People tend to get in the mindset of arguing with no end in sight while fighting, even when deep down they know they did something wrong. Chances are conflicts aren’t going to be completely one sided, so take responsibility for your side. Your partner will be grateful and more willing to apologize when necessary if you set precedent in the beginning of a relationship to apologize as soon as you realize you’re wrong.
You’re going to fight sometimes with family and friends, and unfortunately your significant other is no exception. It’s inevitable, but it’s how you fight and deal with it that can make or break your relationship. Follow these tips, and you’re sure to make it!
Photo sources:
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https://charlesbenedictdotcom1.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/couple-fighting-on-couch.jpg
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