As I am writing this today, I am almost 21 years old. I have lived so much life since I was 12, and there are so many parts of me that are different and new, yet so many parts that are the same. Growing up, I faced a lot of insecurities, mental health struggles, and girls who made me feel lesser-than. I can’t get back all the tears I cried or go back and change my experiences, but if I could reach out to my younger self and give her some reassurance, it would probably sound like this.
Dear younger Soph,
Hello from the future, sweetheart. You are about to undergo some of the most formative years of your life and have some of the most life-shaping experiences that you’ll hang on to for an incredibly long time. I know, because here I am writing to you from the other side of it. I’d like to give you some advice and reassurance to help you get through the upcoming year, at least.
First, your anxiety does not define you. I know this is something huge that takes over your life almost everyday. However, you’re going to find that you are so much more capable than you give yourself credit for. I’m not saying that how you find out is going to be easy, or that pushing through will be a breeze, but it’s what you’re about to face now that is some of the foundation that keeps us going even today. Not everyday is going to be the best, and sometimes your anxiety will get the best of you, and that is okay; you are still getting stronger every single day.
Second, you will find your friends. I know how much it hurts, but the girls you desperately want to fit in with are not your people. Do not let them dim your light or try to change your personality; I love how you love unicorns and don’t wear makeup. You don’t need expensive dancewear or need to be able to french-braid your own hair to look cute for dance. Just hold on. Your real friends are going to love and support you no matter what.
Third, you are a good dancer. You are so much better than you think. You work so incredibly hard, and it shows. No, you’ll never be your teacher’s favorite, and that’s okay. So many other people will recognize the talent that you possess, and they are the ones who are right. You’ll have so many opportunities, and take advantage of what you are offered. You’ll miss the leotards and tights, the stage lights and the many costume changes. Stay confident in your abilities, because you truly shine. Don’t let a few unappreciative people keep you from being happy while doing what you love.
If I told you everything that was going to happen in detail, then it might change the outcome of our experiences. Even knowing the ones that you will struggle through, I wouldn’t go back and change it for the world. You are becoming the best version of yourself, and I think you’d love who we are today. Stay strong, my love. Life isn’t going to be the easiest, but it’s also going to be full of wonder.
All my love,
Soph from the future.