It’s the most wonderful time of the year! You’ve been rescued from the pain of countless hours at the library, and it’s time to drink with your high school friends.
That’s right, ladies and gents – it’s time for Blackout Wednesday! Here’s what your Thanksgiving Day will look like based on what you drank the night before:
Vodka Water
Wednesday night, your plan was to stick to one drink of choice to prevent the massive Thanksgiving hangover you had last year. However, the deal on drinks changed your limit of four to about 12, and you’re now having flashbacks of last year. You did it again. You arrived late to dinner, wearing the same makeup from last night and reeking of booze and dry shampoo because you didn’t have time to shower.
Jack and Anything
Whether it was Jack and Coke, Jack and Ginger or just a straight up shot of Jack Daniels, you’re not only my hero, but you’re also so hungover you haven’t eaten an ounce of food. You’re trying extremely hard to hide your pain by using your fork to move around your food and taking the smallest sips of water. Unfortunately for you, your cover was blown when you denied the beer Uncle Bill offered you. Now the whole family is cracking horrible jokes about your hangover, which is making your headache even worse.
Signature Cocktail
Your life has been in shambles lately, which is why you went all out with the signature cocktail menu. This morning, you learned the worst hangovers come with sugary drinks. Sucks for you, because no amount of Advil can suppress the headache you get from your aunts badgering you about your college career, plans after graduation and worst of all, relationship status. There is NO WAY you can tell them about your not so memorable one night stand last night.
Tequila
You, my friend, are still the life of the party, even though it ended 14 hours ago. Right when you walked in, you helped yourself to the Bloody Mary bar and spread of appetizers. Luckily for you, no one has even noticed your level of intoxication because this is nothing new. Everyone is already used to you arriving drunk to all of your family functions.
Beer
Beer always seems like the safest plan until you end up staying out until 7am. You’re already feeling bloated by the start of the day and so exhausted from not getting any sleep last night. You try to relax and watch the game with the guys but end up falling asleep in the La-Z-Boy. As a consequence, no one wakes you up for Thanksgiving dinner.
Vodka Redbull
Your status: non-stop yacker. Last night, you went straight for an energy boosting drink after a long day of work. That decision is proving to be a bad one, seeing as you thought it would be a great idea to hook up with your ex last night, and you’ve excused yourself from the dinner table about five times already. Even though you’re pretending to be fine, everyone knows you don’t actually have that small of a bladder.
Wine
Having all that wine without the cheese left you a little hungry today. You have turned into a bottomless pit, shoving your face with four helpings of mashed potatoes. The carbs are your go-to, but skip the meat. Stuffing? Yes! Dinner rolls? Of course. Just keep them coming your way!