We all know what this is like.
That wave of bittersweet emotions that overtakes your body when returning to the IHSA State Cheerleading Championships; we know that feeling. This feeling is nothing like going back to watch your high school’s performance of Grease: The Musical or the big game against your rival high school. It is so much more than that… especially when you are a retired cheerleader who has competed at this competition before.
I, just like most of you, have cheered my entire life. I spent my weekends taking tumbling classes and practicing my jumps in my backyard. I worked to perfect my standing tuck and made sure that my part of the dance was damn near flawless.
Returning to state is something I look forward to every year.
While enduring those five hours of never ending screaming, loud music, and crazy (sometimes god-awful) facials, I chose to create a list of the 30 things that ran through my mind while watching the State Championships.
1. How acceptable would it be for me to run out there and throw one last tumbling pass?
2. DON’T BEND YOUR KNEES IN YOUR STANDING FLIP FLOP GOSH DARN IT!
3. How did they not throw up after that routine?
4. Some of these team’s dances make for better strip routines.
5. Why did we never look as good as Joliet West? WHAT WAS THAT PYRAMID!?
6. Is this music broken or is it supposed to sound like that?
7. WHAT THE F WE DIDN’T GET CUTE UNIFORMS LIKE THAT!
8. Lake Zurich, where dem black shoes at?
9. The skills some of these cheerleaders have make me look like an amateur, but hey we had double downs.
10. Guys either have good jumps or bad jumps… there is no in between.
11. Why do they keep pointing at the judges? They’re not competing against them?
12. I’ll admit, I enjoy watching the coaches more than the team.
13. “So & so is in the hole!” What hole?
14. Brown and yellow should never be school colors.
15. Thank god they don’t have to wear fake hair, but thank god we didn’t have that teased hair.
16. Hey girl, I’ve been there before. Eating mat ain’t fun.
17. I wonder if they pee a little when they are tumbling?
18. If she faints every time she comes off the mat, why is she on it in the first place?
19. Does Lockport get better or are they always just THAT GREAT? How did they throw one more standing back tuck at the end of their routine? They are just like “Hey, we want to blow your mind!”
20. How are you not picking that wedgie?
21. Rhinestones. Rhinestones everywhere.
22. (On Day 1) Stevenson…
23. *claps obnoxiously when our rival high school drops a stunt*
24. Didn’t Snooki tell you? Cheer poofs aren’t a thing anymore!
25. Cheer teams should follow the prom dress rule: if another school’s team has a song, no other team can have it.
26. Hot cheer dads make the world go round.
27. That guy is kind of cute, but could he be gay? Is he even legal yet? The world may never know.
28. 10 bucks says that those cheer moms use those giant glow sticks as dildos in the off-season. Go team?
29. *stomps on all my haters the way that Neuqua cheerleader does*
30. B – U – Double F – A – L – O HUH WE’RE BUFFALO GROVE
Although some of these thoughts make me miss the good ole’ days, I am so grateful that I can return every year to see all of the new talents each team brings. The retired cheerleader in me could only wish to put on my uniform, bow, and a huge smile just once more in front of the judges and on those mats.