A Rant on Uggs
When I think of Uggs, I think back to sixth grade. When Uggs were a fresh new trend, if you didn’t have a pair, Natalie in third period would roast you and your Old Navy winter boots in front of your entire science class. Real harsh, Natalie. Initially, you could only get these cozy gems in a few colors; chocolate brown, tan or black. They came in tall or short. With the millions of Ugg designs now, it’s virtually impossible to imagine a time where there were only a few lowly colors of this winter boot.
By 2009 you could throw a rock and hit at least 17 girls holding Starbucks Frappuccino’s, wearing a pair of Uggs. Looking back at it, I am absolutely shocked that this trend became a classic. If you think about it, Uggs are the most impractical buy there is.
1. They are extremely expensive
A classic pair of short Uggs is about $160. For this, you could buy a Michael Kors clutch, a dozen of your favorite Mac products, about three weeks of groceries or roughly 120 shots at the bar.
2. They are uncomfortable
Honestly, I own three pairs of these bad boys myself. I loved and cared for these boots as my own children. HOWEVER, whenever I wear them around campus, they betray me and make me look like an absolute fool. Every time I slip on these soft, cloud-like structures on my feet, I cannot help but to trip over myself like a thousand times. Every time I wear these boots I literally trip on air. Is it their goofy shape? The bulkiness of them? I’m not sure but they always leave me feeling like a freshman on the first day of college trying to find my way around; embarrassed and vulnerable.
3. THEY’RE NOT EVEN WATERPROOF
Let’s think about this for a moment, shall we? These are snow boots that you can’t wear in the snow. If you do want to get these wussy boots a little bit wet you have to pay $40 for the “Ugg Care Kit.” This kit includes the water protectant spray, a brush to keep the fur in your boots fluffy as well as some shampoo for when they get dirty. They want you to SHAMPOO AND BRUSH YOUR BOOTS. I hardly have the time or desire to shampoo and brush myself more than twice a week now you want me to groom my shoes?!
4. Honestly, they’re kind of dumb looking
When I look at myself in the mirror wearing Uggs, I truly feel like a clown with huge feet. As the dainty, innocent, sweet creatures that we are, we ladies do not want to look like we have gigantic elephant feet. Truly, these shoes are a little UGG-ly. And let’s not forget about the sequin Ugg trend. If you really think about it, duck boots are the Ugg boots of the future. I mean why spend our money on bulky snow boots that aren’t allowed in snow when adorable Sperry duck boots exist? And did I mention you can actually get them wet? And that you won’t trip all over yourself in front of Chad, the douchey frat guy, who will tweet about it to all his friends?
Moral of the story here is we should all move on into an Ugg free era.