Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “A mature person is one who does not think only in absolutes, who is able to be objective even when deeply stirred emotionally, who has learned that there is both good and bad in all people and all things.”
I feel like a lot of us struggle with this concept; that both good and bad exist inside us. And that often times, one or the other can consume us when things go wrong (or when things go right.)
Which brings me to what I want to address here.
“That’s Not Love,” an article of mine that I published back in April, was an article where a lot of the bad came out of me. Back in April, the bad in me wanted to express how hurt I was. The bad in me felt vacant, empty, petrified, and well… worthless. And the bad in me stemmed from a disturbingly dark place and heartbreaks that I felt I would never get over.
But here I am, eight months later, and…
I have a confession to make.
What is it, you might ask. Well, I am sure you have a clue.
I didn’t expect it either, but here it is…
Part II.
Oh, I’m sorry!
You didn’t see that coming?
You’re right… Neither did I.
A few weeks ago, I had a meeting with an old friend. This old friend of mine just so happened to be someone who used to bring out a lot of the good in me. And while he may have done some bad things in the past, he had good intentions in admitting to his mistakes and taking ownership for what went wrong. He was seeking forgiveness and was visibly and openly regretful.
Back in April, the bad in me would’ve said that the word “love” meant nothing to him, but things have changed and so have I.
These past few weeks have allowed me to recognize both the good and the bad that came from us, and above all else- forgive the mistakes he made.
I have another confession though.
He surprised me (just as much as this may come of surprise to you!)
Much like before, I have created a list of what “loving someone” finally means to him.
You loved me when…
You acknowledged that you gave up and quit for no reason.
You loved me when…
You understood that nothing could make up for what happened, but you at least made the effort to correct it.
You loved me when…
You said that the biggest mistake in your life was letting go of me.
You loved me when…
You affirmed that you never stopped caring about me.
You loved me when…
You said I was “worth every single second” of your time.
You love me when…
You declared that you thought about me every single day we were apart.
You loved me when…
You admitted that you were wrong.
You loved me when…
You confessed that I deserved better.
You loved me when…
You said still loved me and never stopped doing so.
That’s a lot to take in, huh?
But you’ve made it to my ultimate and final confession for you.
Unfortunately, it’s not always easy finding the good in something bad, especially when it is almost our second nature to demean or shoot something down. Admit it- it is so much easier for us, especially when we are in such a dark place or rough patch in our life, to search only for the bad. But each and every day we are faced with choices, and in our decision making we are only in control of the good and the bad that can come from it.
You fail a test. You show up late to work. You get a flat tire. You are diagnosed with a severe illness. You go through a terrible break-up.
I know what you’re thinking…
But I didn’t choose those things?
And you’re right! But only you are in control of making the choice (either good or bad) about how you deal with it and how you can move forward. I don’t expect you to understand what is running through my head or how my heart is feeling, but today and each day to come I choose to make the good choice.
I like to think that in all situations, especially this one, I can be more like Eleanor Roosevelt and define maturity in the ways of accepting that there are both good and bad in everyone.
Even you.
Yes.
You.