Love languages come from a Baptist pastor and marriage counselor named Dr. Gary Chapman. He introduced this concept in his book The 5 Love Languages, published in 1992. He named five different categories: acts of service, quality time, gift giving, words of affirmation, and physical touch. His idea proved true when those he was counseling started to get better at expressing their love when they knew how to pinpoint it.
Acts of Service
This is all about showing love through actions. It is not just about doing acts for someone else; it is about the intent behind those actions. It’s the idea of doing something for someone you love just because you care about them. You need to be able to step up and take initiative to recognize and address your partner’s needs without having to be asked. There is an emphasis on small, practical actions that make your partner’s life easier.
Examples of Acts of Service:
Helping organize someone’s space
Running small errands for someone
Surprising them with small gestures
Cooking meals for your partner
Quality Time
This is about being fully present and engaged, growing closer to your partner through meaningful interactions. Due to today’s world with busy schedules and technology, people often forget about spending time with each other; however, prioritizing this love language will strengthen your bonds and lead to a closer relationship. Reflect on the shared moment of true connection where being present makes a difference.
Examples of Quality Time:
Date nights
Cooking together
Watching a movie
Just being in each other’s presence
Gift Giving
Emphasizing your love through tangible tokens with sentiment behind the gift that can be emotionally valued by the recipient. The emphasis is more behind the intent of the item rather than the physical item itself. These items can be small like flowers or even chocolate. However, this love language can become harmful when you stop putting thought behind the presents just to keep up with the expectation.
Examples of Gift Giving:
Bringing home coffee or a drink
Leaving a small note for them to find
Making a spotify playlist
Giving a handcrafted gift to them
Words of Affirmation
This focuses on the verbal and written declaration of someone’s love and affection for another person. This makes those receiving this language feel cherished and understood. This can come in various formats, including praise, compliments, positive phrases, gratitude, encouraging words, and endearments. This is thought to be the most common love language among the five love languages.
Examples of Words of Affirmation:
“I appreciate it when you…”
“I am so proud of you”
“I love you”
“Thank you for…”
Physical Touch
This is expressing love through physical gestures like hugging, holding hands, and cuddling. Signifying the closeness, comfort, and connection that individuals have for each other. Just the idea of being close together brings a type of comfort, even if it is almost nothing. This is also a love language that can change over time and is not a rigid concept.
Examples of Physical Touch:
Playing with their hair
Sitting close together
Tickling
Resting you hand on them
Extra Types of Love Langauges
There are also other concepts that have emerged throughout time that do not exactly align with the five main types of love languages. These types are argued to be more personal, nuanced, and reflective of modern relationships.
Music
Creating a playlist, sharing songs, attending concerts, or writing songs for your significant other can be found in this type of love language. While you can argue that this is just multiple of the main five love languages put together, some people would say that music is the sixth love language.
Space
Giving your partner the time and freedom that they need to be able to be their own person. Being able to do this while staying together creates a stronger bond in the relationship and is seen as a key expression of love and respect.
Feeling Known
The feeling of being truly seen and understood by your partner, including the quirks, habits, interests, and dislikes. Loving someone for the good and the bad and stating when things get hard. It goes beyond just knowing something about someone, but it shows a deep, emotional sense of recognition.
Compromising
Finding mutual respect, flexibility and solutions that meet both partners’ needs, rather than one person constantly giving in or sacrificing something for the other. This shows that you value their perspectives and are willing to meet them halfway.
Penguin Pebbling
This may seem weird, but it’s giving your partner a pebble or other smooth objects that you find interesting. This is similar to the courtship ritual of penguins.