I Found Out I Had a Disorder 22 Years Later!

Have you ever tried doing something, like drawing, and no matter how much you try and concentrate on the task, you just still suck? That's how I felt for all of my 22 years of life. Throughout school I have struggled a lot, I’ll admit that because I have. I was never the student to receive straight A's even when I would try my hardest. From elementary school through middle school I was in reading and math support because the school saw that I had low numbers in those dumb readings they timed you on.

High school came around and I, thankfully, didn't need to be in those classes anymore. Actually, my senior year I was in an honor's reading class – so in your face reading support teacher! Still, school was tough. I would study, and study, and study, but no matter how hard I tried I still would never see an 'A' on an exam. By the time I was a senior, I just came to realization that my best friend was a 70% or below on exams. Report cards were B's, C's and occasional D's. I mean I did receive two A's but I was taking band and chorus, music was the only thing I could concentrate in.

Though, when it came to college for the first two years I went to, in my opinion, an easier college academically than Illinois State University is. So, there I received good grades, actually having a 3.0 GPA – everything was great!

It wasn't until I came to ISU and school became difficult again. I couldn't focus on anything the professors were lecturing about. My mind was always somewhere else, I didn't understand the material at all, even if I re-read chapters over and over again. I tried to make note cards my best friend, putting information into songs, and re-writing my notes over and over again. But still when exams came, I just blanked and ended up guessing on everything.

I hated that my 3.0 GPA lowered in just a year. This year, my senior year, is when I finally gave up and needed to figure out what was wrong with me. I definitely couldn't go on with this any longer, especially if I was going to go out in the world next year to get an “adult” job.

I did some research and I talked with my mom and doctors and we came to the conclusion that I should get tested to see if I had a learning disability – so that’s what I did.

After hours of long continuous testing and weeks of waiting for the results, I finally knew the answers to, basically, all my problems that I have had. I definitely did not realize that the next time I would be sitting in those same exact chairs, that I took those annoying tests in, my life would totally be different.

I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

Twenty-two years later in my life and I have finally found out the biggest puzzle piece that was missing as to why I was the way I was. Everything made sense for once in my life!

The only thing that makes me mad is how come, 22 years later, I am just now finding this information out. I don't understand how none of my teachers, that I had growing up, never realized this. I clearly was at the bottom of everything. Always struggling to hang on with my grades, but yet, nothing. I even remember in elementary school my grades were so low on my report card that I was worried if I even could have passed to the next grade or not. If a child is struggling this hard, especially in elementary school, how come nobody ever helped their student out and suggested those long, annoying, boring, tests earlier? What about that saying, “no student left behind?” If a teacher reached out and suggested this, I definitely wouldn't have been “behind” always trying to figure out school.

Now that I FINALLY know what has been wrong for basically my whole life – everything makes sense! I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Learning that I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) now instead of earlier on makes me feel accomplished and grateful when I see an 'A' as a final grade in a course in college, rather than taking everything for granted.