For as long as I can remember, I have always been someone who understands the value of friendships, and the importance they hold in our lives. Fortunately for me, I have been lucky enough to maintain strong friendships with amazing people for the majority of my life. However, I don’t credit that entirely to luck, over the years I have gained some perspective on how to form friendships that last a lifetime.
When to know if it is appropriate to hold a grudge
Being able to have friends for over a decade has been a blessing, however, there were definitely times where my friendships have been tested. There were times where I had to question whether or not it was worth it to hold a grudge. Having hateful thoughts and resentment within you is, not only not healthy for the friendship, but for you as a person. If you are striving for lifelong friendships, you would be naive to believe disagreements are never going to occur. It is during a fight where you have to determine if it is really one worth ending a friendship over. Additionally, you need to be able to move forward, and not hold your true feelings in, as this will only lead to bottled-up resentment. People make mistakes, and there is no depiction of what a ‘perfect’ friend looks like, but being able to let go of a grudge and forgive the person will definitely increase the chances of the friendship being long term.
Hold yourself accountable
I can not stress how important this one is enough, we are always quick to point out the toxic traits we see in others, but struggle to recognize the ones within ourselves. In order for long term friendships to work, we need to be able to understand our own flaws so we can work on them to become better people, and thus, better friends. When in an argument, you need to be able to step outside of yourself and see the situation for what it is, realizing what you did wrong and take accountability for it. I have witnessed many people in my life struggle with being able to admit when they are wrong or even being receptive to hearing their friend’s concerns. In order to strengthen a friendship and maintain it you need to be able to look at something from all perspectives because with a myopic mindset it will be hard to maintain any friendships, let alone lifelong ones.
Make An Effort
Alright, I can understand the frustration of several plans not working out that you feel so unmotivated to keep attempting, but if you want lifelong friends you can’t give up. I have always been an initiator, I like to make plans and get the ball rolling, because I know the older you get, the harder it is for everyone to be available. With that said, this should never feel one-sided it is not one person’s responsibility to always initiate the plans it should be a two-way street. I try to show my friends that I am always there for them by making an effort to see them, or, unless I’m extremely busy, I always say yes to hanging out, because I like to take advantage of any opportunity to see them. This is one of the main reasons I feel like I have been able to have such strong friendships for years with many people because I am reliable and I show my friends how much I care about them. While I have made my fair share of mistakes, I was able to acknowledge them and make an effort to come to a solution. It is so important to not only tell your friends you care about them but show them.
Find People Who Fully Embrace You For Who You Are
No matter how many tips and tricks you find out there to make friends, none of it is applicable if you don’t find people who truly accept you for who you are. I made friends at a very young age and was able to stay friends till this day, but when you are six years old you’re not really worried if people are going to accept you. It wasn’t until I got to high school where I really struggled with this; I would change parts of myself to fit in, in hopes that people would like me. Around sophomore year, I started showcasing who I really was to people I was comfortable with, and that is when I actually started making friends. Unfortunately, not everybody is going to understand you and it isn’t your job to explain yourself even though I can tend to over-explain myself because I hate being misunderstood. Over the years I have learned that the people in my life are the ones that are meant to be and I am so grateful that I have found people who truly accept me for who I am.
As we get older, maintaining friendships isn’t as easy as it once was. We can’t all just go to the park after school or have sleepovers on a consistent basis. We have busy schedules now, and a seemingly never-ending to-do list, however, we should still make time for the people we love.
Thanks for reading, V