In college, it’s hard not to struggle with what, when and how you’re going to eat. For most students, getting in three full meals a day is a myth––something that just isn’t possible sometimes with your schedule. After living in the dorms for one year and being almost halfway through a year living in an apartment, this is how apartment living has bettered my relationship with food, and how I now treat eating more as something to look forward to rather than a chore.
I’ve always been someone who loves food, whether it’s a meal I’ve never tried before or something I’ve eaten a million times. But when I came to college, that love for food turned more into a slight distaste whenever I found myself hungry. And then that distaste turned into straight dread at every mealtime. When I was living in the dorms last year, the options for food are severely limited, and it’s often food that isn’t the healthiest or most nutritious. And during the pandemic, with little to nothing to do other than online classes and homework, I started just eating when I got bored; and I was bored out of my mind a lot. Whenever I would be eating, I would internally be berating myself for consuming so much food when I had just eaten an hour ago. I would look in the mirror at myself after eating and hate how I looked, even though bloating after a meal is 100% normal.
I never got to the point where I skipped big meals or didn’t eat at all in a day, but it could have spiraled into that if I had continued down that path. There would just be this constant, nagging voice in the back of my mind that kept telling me how gross I was for eating this much, and that I would gain so much weight and be unrecognizable by the end of the year, and everyone would judge me for it. Looking back, I realized those fears and insecurities were all in my head because freshman year, as I actually lost weight somehow. But even knowing that, I still wasn’t happy with myself whenever I had any kind of food.
Now in my sophomore year, I’m living in an apartment and totally on my own when it comes to food. No meal plan, no Flex Dollars, nothing. It took a few weeks for me to get adjusted to grocery shopping, especially since that’s something my mom always did and I would occasionally tag along in case she wanted to stop for an iced coffee after and I could get one too. Cooking is another thing that I never particularly enjoyed in the past, mainly because I tend to be impatient and the whole process of cutting up ingredients or waiting for water to boil simply bored me. But after that initial adjustment shock, I now love to cook, whether it’s simple snacks or a nicer meal for my roommates and I. The complete freedom that came from picking what I wanted to eat and not being limited to a dining hall menu allowed me to look forward to eating instead of feeling apprehensive about it.
As for that nagging voice scolding me for eating too much, I’ve learned to tune it out and focus more on getting all of the nutrition that my body needs in a meal. I’ve also gotten into meal prepping whenever I have the time and ingredients for it. That change in mindset as well as a flexible workout schedule that I try to stick to has really opened my eyes to how unnecessarily anxious I was all the time last year. I no longer hate myself for eating too much or too little, and instead, tell myself that I’m young and healthy and have no reason to believe otherwise.
While eating at the dining hall is a part of the whole “college experience” that I do believe everyone should go through, the fact that what I experienced is probably something that more students go through than one would think shouldn’t be the case. I do realize that with the pandemic, the school might have had their hands tied with what they were able to serve in the dining hall, but I don’t believe that it’s right for students to be developing borderline eating disorders due to the lack of nutritious and fulfilling meals. On top of that, it’s a requirement for students to live in the dorms for at least their freshman and sophomore year––unless you get an exemption––so oftentimes people get stuck in that kind of situation that ends up harming their physical and mental health. I’m not sure what would have happened had I stayed in the dorms this year, but recognizing how far I’ve come in my relationship with food and eating is something that I can say I am very proud of, and I hope that anyone going through a similar situation is able to do the same in the future.