As we enter our 20’s there is so much pressure to know your dream career, find a significant other, and accomplish as much as possible. Comparison is so prevalent in life, but it is especially during this time in our lives that comparing ourselves to others can take over — we see other people accomplishing their goals at our age and we want that for ourselves. I think the most helpful tool to have to help us through our 20’s is confidence; without it, we are walking through life aimlessly.
Gaining confidence in yourself and your capabilities can be easier said than done, as I feel like a lot of people gain confidence based on their accomplishments. However, if you feel like you have not accomplished much, dig deeper within yourself. Accomplishments should not just be measured on trophies or awards, think of who you are as a person. Think about the people in your life and how they feel about you, I have gained confidence in myself knowing I have people in my life who want to see me succeed and believe in me sometimes more than I believe in myself.
As I mentioned before, you should not measure how accomplished you are solely based on awards, but earning recognition for something you feel like you worked hard on is one of the most rewarding experiences. I have always said that I feel mediocre at everything I do, but when I take a step back and see what I have accomplished over the years I am proud of myself. I am a very confident person now, but it has not always been this way. In high school, I dealt with a lot of rejection which really hindered my confidence and made me question myself time and time again. Looking back now, those experiences only made me stronger and made me realize what I do have to offer. Whatever it is that you’re good at or that you’re passionate about, keep pursuing it because people are most confident when they speak on what they know.
Sometimes people mistake confidence for cockiness, and there is a major difference, confident people don’t have to tell you how confident they are, chances are you’ll already know. Cocky people, however, feel the need to list all their achievements at any given opportunity. With that said, I encourage people to share what they are proud of, but always keep in mind that, sometimes, it’s ok to just let the actions speak for themself. Women, in particular, have been programmed to believe that they should just be grateful for the bare minimum, and their confidence is looked at as arrogance and manipulation, whereas men are seen as strategic and deserving. Women always feel the need to downplay their confidence in order to assuage men’s own insecurities. So many people have told me that men are intimidated by my confidence, and this needs to end because there should be nothing imitating about a woman who loves herself.
Ultimately, the way I have gained confidence at this point in my life is, I have truly stopped caring what strangers and random people think of me. I have been a much happier person because of this. I still find myself defending my actions excessively just so people don’t misconstrue my intentions, which is definitely something I worry about more than I should. At the end of the day, I know who I am and what my motives are, and I am confident in my capabilities.
As women, we need to stop worrying about upsetting other people and embrace our confidence. Have faith in yourself and start conquering your 20’s because while it seems like everyone else knows what they’re doing we are all just trying to make it through one day at a time.
Thanks for reading, V