Queens, I would like to point out that most of the knowledge I have obtained about dealing with, or overcoming trauma was given to me by a woman who works for Stepping Stones, which is a place to go for trauma survivors. I will put contact information below the article for any of you reading and are curious for more information.
Starting off, with healing from trauma the road ahead is never easy. It has potholes, swerves, cracks, and even comes to a complete stop. And that is okay, normal even; many are confused what can be considered trauma. Even I was unsure. In popular scenarios, trauma is a term used for someone needing drastic medical attention in hospitals. For example, “trauma victims,” you think of women and men with legs chopped off, bleeding out all over the pavement. At least that’s what I thought of from watching the over dramatized events in Greys Anatomy…thank you Shonda.
Anyway, this is not a reality show and lines are not given to you to be prepared for how to deal with traumatic events. But these survivors need not drastic medical attention but drastic help towards healing. Think of it like whip lash. First the impact, it hits you and you’re confused, lost even, then your muscles, brain, and heart have a moment to calm down and move back into place…that’s when the pain comes, the soreness, the tense limbs, scrapes, bruises, all in need of time…to heal.
So some background that I learned from this spokeswomen is that “trauma occurs when events or experiences overwhelm a persons ability to cope.” The different examples of trauma can be bullying, harassment, car accidents, witnessing violence at home, sudden death of a loved one, personal damage, sexual assault, abandonment and so on. These are all familiar occurrences that happen throughout everyones lives, so now keep in mind the ones around you and what they can be going through.
“The Defense Cascade,” is a term the spokes women used to describe the reaction stages of trauma survivors I’ve listed below.
1. Freeze: when the muscles in your body clench in fear…think of a deer in head lights, frozen…
2. Flee: the brain deciding if escaping is a possibility. When there is no escape comes…
3. Fight: when you try to fight and It doesn’t work you go into…
4. Fright: and you will be absolutely stiff which then becomes
5. Flag/ Fold: where you so scared and stiff it transitions to being completely limp (your body shuts off all the pain essentially numbing as protection). Leading then to…
6. Faint: “I went to seep,” a common response from survivors, from all the exhaustion mentally and physically the body has checked out.
Personally I did not know these even existed but I want to share them as important knowledge to know for anyone experiencing or healing from trauma. After these, the most important is the healing process, and like I said before it is not pretty and that is totally normal and OKAY. I never knew how to respond or even how to properly form a sentence that wouldn’t be too alarming for the person telling me about their traumatic event. I collected some responses below that touched my heart from this spokeswomen that I will use in the future.
When you do not know what to say: “I do not know what to say right now but I am so glad you told me.”
“I can never understand what has happened to you… but can I be with you, can I sit with you, and just be here for you.”
Just being physically there for someone is really the key, don’t show sympathy but show empathy, feel with this person, fuel a connection. However, with trauma it is very easy to trigger someone and so it is important to just stay calm with them, do not react and just be there for them. And to properly inform everyone what “triggered” means as it is commonly used as a modern joking term, it is, “Trauma remembrance, the survivor re-lives a experience for 10 minutes usually being reminded through 1-4 things, bringing something in the past that came back as the presence.” It is a real thing, and absolutely frightening but for everyone know you are not alone and I am here for you, to help you, and know I feel it too.
I write this article because this knowledge needs to be known and taken seriously. When there is a friend of yours or a loved one going through the same thing, please refer to “Stepping Stones” as a resource for help! There are many resources out there but as a person like me, I rarely ask for help. And so, look for changes in behavior, often because many will not share or ask for help. Keep each other safe, loved, and respected, and as always…
Stay Royal My Queens
Xoxo Chrissa
(Call PATH at (309) 827-4005 and ask for Stepping Stones)
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