Whether you celebrate Easter or not, you know that when you get the whole family together over dinner you are bound to be in the middle of an awkward conversation…or seven. But Easter is particularly awkward because most of your family hasn’t seen you since the last family party in December so you know they’ve got plenty to talk about.
First and foremost they will question you about your appearance. Just try and remember that they are old and a lot of the styles we are into are styles that are repeating themselves from their time. I wore a long, floral kimono over a tank top and jeans. You would think they would appreciate me for owning jeans, let alone wearing them to a holiday in which I will consume copious amounts of food. But instead I was called the “flower child” for the remainder of the day.
The ole “What are you doing with the rest of your life” talk is one of my personal favorites. This question will not even phase you as a freshman or sophomore in college but as a junior or senior it makes you start to sweat. What is your major? What does that mean? What can you do with that? What will you do when you graduate? I don’t even know what food to put on my plate please do not question me about the rest of my life. Most likely upon graduation I will be living with my mom where I will spend long hours crying in the fetal position because I am now an “adult”. She will feed and water me until reality hits me and I am forced to flee the nest.
The significant other talk is always a good one. If you don’t have a significant other they will hound you about that. When are you going to find yourself a nice boy/girl? Have you gotten on Tinder yet? Like first of all Aunt Linda, I knew about Tinder before you knew how to use your iPhone. But don’t worry, if you are in a relationship you will STILL get hounded. How is (insert name of SO)? Well where are they? Are you guys on the rocks? Did you break up? What did he/she do? Like they have a family too…let’s all take a breather we are still together. Oh ok well are you getting married? How many kids do you want? What will you name them? My advice, come to Easter dinner with a rehearsed version of your love life.
Seeing that spring break was about a month ago your family is going to want to hear all about it. If it is not possible to keep it G-Rated at the dinner table, give the clean version especially if it’s your 93-year-old grandma asking the questions. Later on you can give the un-edited, explicit version to those who can handle it.
Beware that most of your family members are getting into social media. Many are on Facebook but even my mom has a Snapchat. Be ready to be called out for every moment of weakness you’ve had. They will most likely have a list in their back pocket of every questionable picture or tweet you have ever documented. That rough day at the Pub, that time you got kicked out of Daddio’s, the walk of shame the next morning. You name it; they’ve seen it. Yeah, they know about it and they will not let you forget it.
We all have that one “cool” family member that just wants to live vicariously through you. They will try as hard as they can, just let them have their moment. But don’t worry they have done their research. They already know the meaning of bae, turn up, on fleek, hashtag, rachet, but I promise you they do not know how to use them. Your Uncle Larry will go on and on about his college experience; “they didn’t call me The Irish Funeral for nothing”. Your Uncle Ken will explain that although he did not go to college he was Prom King his senior year of high school. Make sure to tell them how cool you think they are, that is all the reassurance they need.
If you haven’t endured one of these awkward conversations yet…you will. At least you will be prepared now.