Feeling like you’re in an endless cycle of arguments? Check this list to see if there’s an easy fix you may not have thought of.
- You’re spending WAY too much time together!
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Whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder was seriously onto something. While the one thing you want to do when a relationship is new and fresh is be with your partner, try to keep yourself always wanting more, and more importantly, him always wanting more. It’s healthy to miss your significant other, and for men it is in their nature! For real, look it up.
- You aren’t spending enough time with your friends and family.
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Don’t be the girl who ditches all her friends when she gets a boyfriend, it’s embarrassing, especially if your boyfriend hasn’t done the same. Spending time with your friends and family tends to bring you back to a reality you may not be in while you’re clouded with love. Reality checks are healthy important. You are in a relationship, but you are two individuals first. That being said, your life should still be lived as so, an individual.
- You check their locations… FREQUENTLY.
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Seriously. Remember how trapped you felt when your parents did this in highschool? That is how you should feel about this. Get a grip.
- Even if there have been no red flags, you’re still assuming the worst after he doesn’t reply for an hour.
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Trust me, I KNOW as women we worry, it’s just what we do! First of all, it’s bittersweet, but there is a certain calmness in whatever happens, happens. If a boy you’re with is going to cheat, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Nothing! They’re terrible and that’s that. But if you’re with a man, who has never wronged you or shown red flags, imagine how they must feel when you constantly are expecting the worst of their character. Imagine if your boyfriend was constantly assuming that you were going to cheat on them, no matter what you said. That drives people crazy and drives them away, quickly. Give trust where trust has been earned.
- You react immediately and are full of emotions, not taking the time to think rationally.
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In the age of technology and iPhones, Apple Watches, iMessage on your computer, and more, we’re always connected. This means you have an open opportunity to blow up someone’s phone immediately without a thought. As women, we more often than not react out of our emotions, but this can cause so much unnecessary turbulence in a relationship, when most times, if you’re with a good man, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for everything, as long as you react reasonably as well. This tip can go for emotional reactions with anyone in your life. Always breath, think RATIONALLY, and breath again. The best thing you can do is put your phone down and think and logistics, not just how you feel in that exact moment.
- SELF-CARE WOMAN!
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Self-care is more than face masks and bubble baths, although those are great options! Self-care is just that- taking care of yourself. Filling yourself with food that fuels you and makes you feel good, makes your skin and hair glow. Want some chocolate after dinner?? ME TOO! Have it. It’s yours. You deserve it. Be happy while you eat it and tell yourself that. Keep yourself and your space, this will keep you feeling fresh and alive, especially now when that can be a hard thing to achieve. When your significant other sees you care for yourself, they should be happy for you. This makes them see you as responsible, productive, and that is important to a well-rounded relationship.
- You aren’t focused on your long-term goals, or you haven’t even started planning them!
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It is really easy to get caught up in your boyfriend’s life, his family, his friends. But, as the brilliant and fierce Cristina Yang once said, “He is very dreamy, but he is not the Sun. You are.” You’re the Sun, gf. You have you forever. If you aren’t working on yourself and your life after college, who is? Your goals and dreams should come before your SO’s. Have you ever wondered why men do not miss their SO when they aren’t with them? Because they’re long term thinkers who haven’t grown up watching chick-flicks and listening to love songs, they grew up focused on themselves. Focus on you, and your man will respect your G&D’s too, which is important. Be a boss b*tch, it’s hot.
- Your expectations are intangible for anyone, really.
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Through social media, we have been absolutely brainwashed into crazy high expectations of our SO, that we eventually end up sabotaging the relationship. The biggest phrase I hear that is so damaging is “if he wanted to he would.” I see girls comment this on posts where men are spending loads of money on their SO or finding them items on Etsy. Primarily, assess your situation. For example, I date a hockey player. No matter how much he loves me, he will never know that I want this specific type of necklace from a certain website, unless I TELL HIM. We KNOW men aren’t the smartest. We know this. So why do we assume they’re mind readers when we want something? Once I started communicating to my boyfriend the things I wanted and needed from him, within reason, our relationship got closer and even better. It’s okay to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you’d love to receive flowers sometimes, and if they are a good SO they’ll make it happen. So make it happen!
- Put your phone down and be present.
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Whether you are with your SO or not, ditch your phone. With friends, spend time with them and let your man/woman fend for themselves for a couple of hours- I promise you both will survive. If you’re with your SO, be with them! Be excited for the time you do get to spend with them. Remember, a SO is the candle on your cake. They’re not required for your cake to still be perfect, but they are a wonderful addiction.
- You’ve been sucked in with a boy, not a MAN! (Happens to the best of us, seriously… More than once.)
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Notice how throughout the article I switched terminology from boy to man (I can’t speak for girl to woman, seeing as though I am heterosexual, that would be disrespectful if I tried to give advice on that since I have no experience there!) when referencing what one will do. A boy is a short-term thinker who won’t respect your G&D’s or your life outside of them. A boy is someone who cheats, someone who hurts their SO intentionally. A man, on the other hand, is someone who encourages and wants you to pursue your goals. A man is someone who feels appreciated and comes back with MORE love when you come back from doing your own thing with friends, family, school, or work. You will go through many boys before you meet your man (or woman), so focus on yourself, don’t get discouraged, and the rest will fall into place.
Every relationship is different, but I have seen and experienced that relationships that follow these boundaries are happier and healthier in all aspects of their life!