Dear Men,
I heard that this is a scary time for you right now, especially in the United States. Don’t worry! Doesn’t the saying go, “you have nothing to be worried about if you haven’t done anything wrong?” But if you’re still scared, I can relate. I’m scared too, actually I’m always kind of scared. See, I might have even passed you on the street last night, but while you were thinking about who knows what, I was going through a plan of action in case you doubled back. I was actively structuring my night so that I would always have someone with me while walking outside. You’re always saying how it’s so intimidating to approach that huddle of women at the bar, but if I was alone, you’d not consider my thoughts on your particular plan of action.
Let’s face it, most men are physically stronger then women, that’s how the biology turned out. Which means that women have to consciously think every day what they can do to protect themselves if some guy decides he wants something from them. But what’s funny is that you don’t think about this. If you asked the women closest to you if some guy had ever done anything to them that made them uncomfortable or worse, you’d be surprised at the responses, or rather their sheer volume. Go ahead, try it. Even though recently there have been women discussing assaults, this problem is so engrained in our society that just uncovering these few hundred or thousand times doesn’t come close to an accurate number.
Now you might ask, if this kind of behavior is affecting so many women, why are women worried about coming forward? Well you see, assaults occur so often and have happened for so long that they have become a part of mainstream existence. Clearly, no one has cared before, so why would they now? How can a women testify about her experience surrounded by men who will decide if she is “lying” or not, when those same men could have done the same things to other women, or could be incapable of understanding the pure fear and shame that women are made to feel about these traumatic events?
The government might try to bury Dr. Ford and all the other women who speak out about the realities of what it is like to be a woman, but we shouldn’t forget them. Because one day, when the politicians decide to embody the principles this country was founded on, to be the voice of the people, they will hear our cries and our screams. Of fear, of pain, and of agony, and then they might decide to do something about it. And maybe you can be a part of that, if women’s rights fall under your political category of human rights. But if not, I have one last question.
Where do you see yourself in twenty years? Do you have kids of your own? My piece of advice? Hope to hell that you don’t have a daughter. Because she is going to be the one that has to deal with the filthy world you perpetuated. And maybe you don’t care if she goes to parties worried every time that some guy might grab her, throw her on a bed and do things to her against her will. But the good news is even if you do care, she’ll probably be so scared the rest of her life you’ll never even know this event happened. But if you are slightly concerned, maybe you should buy some pepper spray for her just to be prepared for the future, because we all know you probably won’t be changing your ways now to help her.
~M