Jill McDevitt has a bachelors, a M.Ed. and a Ph.D. all in sex. She is the only person in the world to have three degrees in sex. Women’s Collective annually invites her to speak on campus. Last year, she spoke about the female orgasm. This year, the sexologist discussed two very important things: virgins and sluts. At the beginning of the talk she had everyone anonymously write down on a piece of paper a time they have been slut-shamed and a time they have been virgin-shamed. As she read the stories out loud a problem became clear. The majority of people in the room had been shamed for both not having sex and for having sex. Being a virgin makes you a prude. Having sex makes you a slut. How can we be shamed either way? What are we supposed to do?
McDevitt talked about how women are often seen as “dirty” and “impure” if they have sex before marriage. To emphasize the prominence of this in the world today, McDevitt played a clip on “purity balls.” At these events girls formally “gift” their virginities to their fathers as a promise not to have sex, or even kiss a man, till marriage. McDevitt also talked about how in many countries if a girl does not bleed from sex on her wedding day, the new husband can “return” her to her father. In these scenarios, virginity is linked to a woman’s worth and women are controlled by the men in their lives.
Slut-shaming and virgin- shaming can happen to both men and women. Society is throwing contradicting messages at everyone. Yet, women are often more brutally attacked for being a “slut.” Why is it fine for a guy to get around every weekend and not a women? Many women are criticized by other women. So, let’s listen to Mean Girls, and not judge others for what they do with their bodies.