It is no secret that the world of dating can be cruel and unforgiving for many of us, but once in a while we see that one lucky couple that found each other despite the annoying unsolicited booty calls, the bad first dates, and the many unfortunate mixed signals. It is those couples that somehow simultaneously make us jealous and give us hope. So fret not ladies, gents, and non-binaries – love most definitely is a possibility for us all. With that being said, I would like to address this article to all of my hopeless romantics, my kindred souls – I know there are some of you that still exist. It is my hope that by the end of this, I can offer you a new perspective on what “the boys” like to call “playing the field.”
As it is the twenty-first century and we are painstakingly amidst a global pandemic, it is no secret that meeting people is not as thrilling as it was when our parents did it. I have observed that it is this generation’s prerogative to be unique with our avoidance of the cliche and the stereotypical. And yet, just like every generation that has come before, we have turned the old status quos into the new status quos. One night stands with the greasy thirty-something guy in a raunchy bar bathroom become late-night hookups with the tinder dude with the locker room selfie. It’s all in the same ole’ good fun of natural selection. Creeps are still creeps and fun is still fun, but dating can be so much more.
I made a facetime call to one of my best friends, Dominik C. who is currently residing in the luxury city of Los Angeles, and asked him about his fairly new relationship of eight months. Him and his boyfriend met in October of last year just less than a week after Dominik had moved to Los Angeles from Guam. According to him, they met through Tinder, our friendly neighborhood dating app. He made it quite clear that he was not looking for a relationship after recently breaking off a relationship in Guam, but he wanted to look for fast friends as he was new to LA. After ensuring that his new match on Tinder was in fact not a serial killer, Dominik agreed to meet him at his college dorm. It was there that he made a brand new friend from the shiny new (to him) land of California, U.S of A. He shared with me how they did not become an official couple until January 2020, nearly three months after they became friends. What was so beneficial for him in this relationship, he explained, was that “I knew what I wanted and I made that clear with him.” He set honest expectations for their relationship to “take the next step,” so to speak.
What was so fresh about my friend’s perspective was how he was both brutally honest and remained open to new experiences at the same time. He said “Online dating is how people meet now. We have to break the stigma that online dating is just ‘hookup dating’.” This is true for all types of dating – we need to stop all the stigmas and just live. Instead of judging every unpleasant outcome, maybe we should trust in the ones that still make us smile. Who knows, maybe one day while you are living your best life, believing that the world can be made less cynical one hopeless romantic at a time – you’ll look up and make eye-contact with the not so mythical true love. So maybe “playing the field” should be changed to “exploring the field” and maybe our generation’s incessant need to criticize everything does not have to control us. Stigmas do not have to define your reality.