Look What You Made Me Do: A Reaction From A 10-Year Superfan

There’s really no need for me to go into any detail about this new song that has rocked the internet this past week; it’s dark, it’s edgy, it’s clearly indicative of some harsh feelings provoked by her peers, and it’s certainly a different side of Taylor than we’ve ever seen before.

Let’s break this down from the beginning. Just to be clear, this is in no way an attempt for me to understand or dissect the emotional livelihood of a person I’ve literally never met before, but rather an opinionnaire of the way the world affects people and the way they express it through music.

Growing up in the era of the one and only T-Swift is realistically 80% of the reason I got through puberty alive. I cried to “Fifteen” and “Teardrops on my Guitar,” and got revenge on boys who didn’t know I existed from “You Should’ve Said No” and “Picture to Burn.” She was a country girl singing about my feelings, and I loved her for that. She was a romantic, and I was struggling my way through first kisses and hopeless crushes. When she transitioned her way into pop with the release of 1989 in 2014, she sang about my struggles with letting go of my mistakes, and she helped inspire me to save myself from making decisions that could’ve destroyed opportunities for my future.  She wrote “Welcome to New York” – a perfect visionary of the things I dreamed of; “Bad Blood” and “Shake It Off” showed us she wasn’t afraid to speak up about the negative things people said about her.

My first reaction to “Look What You Made Me Do” was a combination of shock and sadness. “I’m sorry, the old Taylor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because she’s dead.” I have a lot of respect and love for the old Taylor – so hearing that was initially heartbreaking for me. But then I realized – the old me is dead too, and I’m so grateful for that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with becoming a completely different person than you were five or ten years ago – and I’m really not a fan of the person I was 5 years ago. The only difference for Taylor is that there is immortal documentation of the person she was 10 years ago, and it’s harder for people to let go of that version of herself. But, she has obviously moved on from 10-years-ago Taylor, and I’m still really damn proud to be a devoted fan of 2017 Taylor. Sure, maybe she’s had a rough go the past couple of years, and that is going to show through in her music, but she’s also done some really badass things – like standing up for sexual assault victims in her recent trial. And while she may not be ‘good-girl Taylor’ anymore, she’s still a damn good role model and is a significantly better person than most people become under the spotlight. Reputation is coming on November 10 whether we’re prepared for it or not – so bring it on, haters.

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• Taylor Swift