It is basic human nature to desire close relationships with others. We want to feel understood, accepted and have things in common with people around us. You probably have a group (or an individual) who you spend a lot of time with, and are most comfortable around. When you first start college,the friendship dynamic in your life is bound to change, because chances are you will no longer be around your family and previous friends 24/7. You’ll be required to constantly reach out to new people to form new relationships, but nine times out of ten, this process won’t be a seamless one. Although there is no perfect way to approach meeting people in college, here are a few factors to take into consideration while navigating the social scene on your college campus.
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1. Be open minded
When you are comfortably familiar with the people, culture and customs of your home town, the social aspect of college can sometimes feel like you’re being violently uprooted. One of the beauties of college is that you will be surrounded by people who differ from the people that you’re familiar with. This difference can be based on race, nationality, religious beliefs, or more trivial characteristics such as food preferences, or slang. Rather than shying away from being social because of these differences, embrace the opportunity to experience things with people who hold different perspectives than yours.
2. Know that some bonds are meant to be temporary
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With the eagerness to find your new group of friends, you might feel inclined to latch on to the first group of people that you find commonalities with. Overtime, however, you may realize that your personality, sense of humor or values don’t necessarily align with theirs. This can be devastating, especially if you’ve gone as far as making a squad group chat – the ultimate sign of friendship.
Realizing that this group or individual was not the best fit for you doesn’t have to negate the bond that you shared. Some bonds are meant to be in your life for a short period to teach you something beneficial about yourself, or about people in general. Whether or not the catalyst for your realization stemmed from a sudden event or a gradual dynamic shift, the memories gained and lessons learned are a part of your experience. Don’t dwell on the “loss” – instead, acknowledge it as the beginning of another stage in your social experience.
3. Be observant of people’s tendencies
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There is a popular saying that goes, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Like most clichés, this saying probably should not be applied to every situation, but there is still a valuable underlying truth in the statement. When we first meet people, we tend to gloss over the negative traits that they exhibit, in hopes that they won’t reappear. This is also known as the rose colored glasses effect. While it is important to avoid making rash judgements on people immediately after meeting them, it is even more important to be keen on the behavioral habits that they display during their interactions with others. If they gossip about other friends around you, treat employees with disrespect, or fail to be as reliable for you as you are for them, take those signs to be direct reflections of their character.
4. Never underestimate the value of networking
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Some often confuse networking with being ingenuine, or sucking up to people solely for personal gain. However, if done correctly, networking can result in genuine, mutually valuable bonds, which don’t necessarily have to have an end goal of professional development. By simply being yourself, you are showing off your most marketable – your persona. Everyone appreciates a genuine person, and it’s easy to see through those who aren’t. Be consistent with putting your best foot forward, and this will always lead you to the right people.
5. Don’t be afraid to compartmentalize your relationships
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Not every friend you have has to be your absolute best friend with whom you share your deepest darkest secrets. It is perfectly okay to have friends who serve different purposes in your life. There will be some persons who will be great for keeping you on track with your academics, but you wouldn’t necessarily feel comfortable going to them to cry about a breakup. On the other hand, there will be friends that you don’t see or hang out with everyday, but when you need a good laugh or to destress, they are the perfect person to turn to. You will end up being closer to some people than others, and you will be categorized by persons in your life in the same way. This is nothing to take overthink or take personally – rather, it allows for healthy personal boundaries, which are necessary for any mutually beneficial relationship.
Ultimately, it is crucial to remember that in college, everyone is on a path of self-discovery and growth. No one (including you!) is exempt from being a selfish, inconsiderate, or otherwise problematic person at some point. While maneuvering through your personal journey, practice being fair and understanding towards those you encounter, but most importantly, to yourself.