As I turned 20 this week, I found myself reflecting on the past year and everything it has taught me. It was a year full of bright, exciting moments, along with a few quieter, heavier ones that I’m still learning from. Above all, I’m grateful for the memories I have made: finishing my first year at Holy Cross, meeting my closest friends, discovering a new academic interest, becoming a CBL intern, attending a career conference, speaking at a Board of Education meeting, writing a successful grant, returning to my summer job, reconnecting with my hometown friends, and traveling to places like Martha’s Vineyard, Nantucket, Cape Cod, New York City, the Jersey Shore, and Puerto Rico.
Here are the 20 lessons I’ve learned at 20 and hope to carry with me:
- Rest is productive, not lazy.
This year, I’ve learned how to balance being highly active with taking necessary moments to relax. At times, I used to feel unproductive when I was lying in my dorm room, scrolling through social media or napping, instead of going to the gym or finishing assignments. I’ve come to realize that giving your body time to rest is actually necessary for wellbeing. Scheduling breaks helps prevent burnout and allows you to give your full attention to the tasks at hand.
- Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.
Speaking up for your needs is important in many settings: whether at a new job, during class office hours, in sports, or when seeking advice from a friend. Taking advantage of available resources can make a big difference. Holy Cross offers excellent support through services such as STEM+E Tutoring, the Writers Workshop, the Career Center, and Counseling and Psychological Services.
- Comparison is the thief of joy.
Constantly measuring yourself against others can make your own accomplishments feel smaller than they really are. Everyone’s journey is different, with unique challenges and timelines, so it’s unfair to judge yourself by someone else’s progress. Focusing on your personal growth and celebrating your own milestones builds confidence. By letting go of comparison, you create space to truly appreciate and enjoy your own achievements.
- Time with family becomes more valuable as you grow up.
As I move through college, I am especially grateful for the breaks that allow me to spend time with my family. Living in New Jersey means visits aren’t frequent, so I make sure to truly cherish each moment. I look forward to family dinners, hosting movie nights, and, of course, the inevitable bickering. Even when miles separate us, taking the time to call and connect with loved ones remains invaluable. These moments remind me how important family is, no matter the distance.
- Change is uncomfortable, but it represents growth.
Growth often requires stepping out of your comfort zone, even when it feels awkward or challenging. Each change offers a chance to learn, adapt, and become stronger. Embracing discomfort allows you to discover new strengths and perspectives. Without it, personal growth would be limited.
- Be curious.
Asking questions and exploring new ideas opens doors to understanding and opportunity. Curiosity drives learning and meaningful connections with the world around you. It encourages you to look beyond what is familiar and challenge assumptions.
- You are exactly where you are meant to be.
Life unfolds at its own pace, and each moment has a purpose, even if it’s not immediately clear. Trusting your path allows you to focus on growth rather than comparison or impatience. Every experience, good or bad, shapes who you are becoming. Accepting your current place fosters patience.
- Take the risk.
Stepping into uncertainty can be intimidating, but it often leads to the greatest rewards. Taking risks encourages resilience and new experiences that wouldn’t happen otherwise. Even if the outcome isn’t perfect, the lessons learned are invaluable.
- Every situation in life is temporary.
Difficulties, successes, and moments of change all pass with time. Recognizing this helps you stay grounded and resilient during challenges. It reminds you to appreciate the good times and approach hardships with perspective.
- It’s okay to say no.
In college, it can feel as if you are expected to be busy every hour of the day, juggling classes, clubs, social events, volunteer work, and other commitments. It’s easy to overextend yourself in the pursuit of opportunity or approval. However, taking on too much can lead to stress and a lack of focus on what truly matters. Learning to set boundaries and prioritize your time is essential for both your mental health and your overall success. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re missing out: it means you are making space for the activities and relationships that genuinely enrich your life.
- The people who love you, love you for YOU.
True friends and family accept you for who you are, not who they want you to be. You don’t have to change your personality, interests, or quirks to earn their affection. This kind of love provides a sense of security and belonging, allowing you to be authentic without fear of judgment. When you surround yourself with people who value the real you, it becomes easier to embrace your own strengths and flaws.
- Social media is truly a highlight reel.
Social media is meant for people to share moments and experiences from their lives. Often, though, people shape their feeds to highlight only the most positive parts, celebrations, and happy times. However, the downfall to this is the potential to create a false narrative. Thus, be mindful as you scroll!
- Celebrate others’ wins as if they are your own.
I genuinely enjoy recognizing and sharing in the successes of the people around me, whether it’s treating a friend to ice cream after a good grade, decorating a room for a birthday, or bringing flowers just to brighten someone’s day. By taking the time to acknowledge the accomplishments of others, we foster positivity and support. This practice also inspires reflection on our own journey, showing that success is never a solo experience.
- Move your body: get outside!
This past year, I’ve found joy in caring for my body and staying active. I’ve worked on incorporating more nutritious foods into my diet and drinking plenty of water, while still allowing myself the occasional sweet treat to maintain balance. I’ve also made it a priority to spend time outdoors. At home, I enjoy long walks with my Cairn Terrier, and at school, I love exploring the campus paths. I often shuffle through a few of my Apple Music playlists and dress for any weather. I use this time to slow down, appreciate the moment, catch up with an old friend or family member, and reflect on my day or week.
- Enjoy the present.
It’s easy to get caught up in planning for the future or replaying moments from the past, but life often passes while we’re distracted by what’s next or what’s already happened. Taking the time to savor the present allows you to fully experience the people, places, and moments around you. Whether it’s enjoying a quiet morning coffee, laughing with friends, or noticing nature on a walk, these small moments build a sense of contentment.
- You can outgrow people, and that’s okay.
Growth can create distance. It doesn’t always mean that something went wrong. Sometimes, it simply means you’re evolving in different directions. Thus, it is best to follow your heart and choose who aligns with who you’re becoming. - Gratitude changes your perspective.
Even during stressful seasons, intentionally naming what I’m thankful for helps shift my mindset. I like to keep a journal and in the quieter moments of the week, open it to remind myself of the privileges I often overlook. - Financial independence is freedom.
Learning to budget, save, and understand money creates options and security. Small habits now build long-term stability. In 2026 and beyond, I hope to be more cautious of my spending habits and learn to differentiate between what I want vs. what I truly need.
19. It’s okay not to have everything figured out.
Your 20s are meant for exploring, pivoting, and learning. Uncertainty is not failure, it’s part of becoming.
20. Small daily habits shape your future.
The quiet routines such as studying, exercising, checking in on friends, saving money, matter more than occasional big efforts. I try to incorporate small joys into my routine to keep myself grounded and avoid feeling overwhelmed.