Before leaving for college, I promised myself that I would avoid the signature freshmen faux-pas of reinventing myself for the sake of likeability. Generally speaking, I consider myself to be relatively self-aware and comfortable in my personality, partly due to the intense self-reckoning I faced during the isolation days of 2020 and 2021. After this unique period in collective history, I found myself with no choice but to confront my flaws directly and ultimately honor their place in my character and my journey into adulthood. As a musician in particular, I have grown to become much more confident in my artistic identity and value, regardless of my quantifiable ability relative to my peers. Coming into college, I was resolute to maintain pride in my musicianship in an environment which I knew might feel challenging, simply because of its unfamiliarity. The musical landscape I grew up with – weekly lessons with my piano teacher of over a decade, impromptu singing sessions with my closest friends, jam sessions before rehearsals in my theater group, and coffeehouse performances at my high school – was about to be left behind, if not just temporarily, for an entirely new music community and atmosphere.
Now having been in college for a hefty two months, I can safely say that transitioning into a new musical landscape is becoming one of the most interesting experiences of my life thus far. Admittedly, the process has not been completely seamless; there are instances after my piano lessons where I feel quite inadequate in the skills I’ve developed for the last twelve years of my life, where I feel like a complete stranger to my instrument as I challenge myself with approaches outside of my classical training. There are days I feel frustrated with myself for not being at the same place in my musical education or dexterity as some of my peers, where I wonder what could’ve been had I applied myself differently (at times, perhaps, more consistently) in the vein of pursuing a professional career. There are even moments where I find myself at odds with other musicians, who have an air about them that seems to say, “You need to prove yourself if we are going to be friends.” Needless to say, it is extremely disheartening when such an interaction with another musician hinders my ability to resonate with them, since my deepest wish at this point in my college career is to build community with people who share the same passions as me.
Luckily, for every negative instance I’ve experienced there have been infinitely more positive ones. Even in just a couple of months, I’ve met and made friends with musicians for whom I have the utmost respect, whose true musicianship lies not only in their talent but in their generosity, their deep love of the art itself, and in their respect for others – musicians and non-musicians alike. Becoming a part of a new music community has presented me with incredible opportunities for growth, discovery, and sheer joy. It has challenged me to continue to honor every aspect of my musical journey, including those I’m not proud of, and to find the beauty in how these difficulties have led to some of my most rewarding artistic experiences. Most importantly, finding myself and my people within this community has only affirmed my belief that making music isn’t about proving one’s capabilities or attaining creative perfection. Rather, as Yo-Yo Ma so eloquently puts it, it is about “transcend[ing] technique to seek out the truths in the world in a way that gives sustenance to individuals and communities.”