I’m scrolling through family pictures that are frozen in place in my family members’ Facebook pages and I realize that holidays won’t ever be the same. I used to dream of being the best dressed at Halloween, in competition with my cousins. I dreamt of smelling authentic Mexican dishes during a holiday that we do not necessarily celebrate. And I dreamt of the beige street lights that would make the snow sparkle at night when it was time to celebrate Christmas. I find those memories to be so warm, but why can I not feel those same emotions? Why did we have to grow up so fast? It’s pretty cliche to say that but I really wonder where the time went. I never accepted the fact that there was going to be a last childhood Halloween, a last “Fakes”giving (since we do not celebrate that exactly), and a last Christmas where the family genuinely took the time to set drama aside and just have a great night. Being away from home has put me in a nostalgic state as I realize that I will not be spending Halloween or “Fakes”giving with my family. I yearn for the time I didn’t take advantage of. It really hurts to feel alone during these days when the emotional connection is so deep. However, I find myself finding new traditions for myself now that I am independent and living apart from everything that I ever knew. If you ever are feeling a sense of loneliness around these times, these are the few things that have helped me feel a bit better:
- Set aside time to watch a movie with your favorite snacks and drink. I like to say that I am taking myself “out” on a date. In reality, I use this time to enjoy a film and relieve stress from college.
- Call your loved ones and ask about their plans for the holidays. It may seem counterintuitive because, for me at least, I feel a sense of FOMO if I know about these plans. However, it makes me feel connected in some way and it makes me happy that everyone else can live through those experiences I once had.
- Buy yourself a onesie. Seriously, being in a onesie all day long has genuinely put a bigger smile on my face and has steered me away from falling into a depressive mood because now I feel silly and plus, it is super comfy. Bonus point if you wear it out in public, it’s always fun to break a small social norm.