When my parents drove up to my dorm on move-in day, I cried. I was so anxious that I was not going to fit in and that my whole college experience would amount to nothing. Then the students who were helping me move in laughed at something I said and seemingly all of the anxiety and nervousness that plagued me fell away. I excitedly unpacked all my posters and books, curious to finally meet my roommate in person. Everything I had dreamed of in college seemed like it was within reach. Within the first two weeks I had made lots of friends, joined clubs, and really enjoyed my classes; everything was great. Then I got my first wave of homesickness.
I had gotten the elusive ‘holy cough’ that everyone seemed to catch, and all I wanted was for my mom to bring me food in bed and tell me that I would be okay. I wanted to curl up in bed and not leave, longing for the comfort of my childhood home and dog that awaited me back home. Yet, that all laid ten hours away in Michigan and there was no feasible way for me to go home. So I learned small ways to help me with any homesickness I may have felt. I called my family and friends, put pictures from home on my walls, and made plans for the next time I could come home.
The homesickness passed and without realizing it, the first semester had come to an end and I was already feeling nostalgic for my first year of college. I thought ‘How could I possibly be halfway through my freshman year?!’ In the time I had been at school I met so many new people and had so many new experiences that I didn’t even know were possible. I had noticed a quite profound change in myself. I wasn’t exactly sure what to make of it, but when I went home for winter break there was definitely something different about myself. I felt like I was an evolved version of who I was before college, someone who felt free to be unapologetically myself, both at school and home.
Second semester had finally begun and I was so excited for a continuation of the excitement I felt from the previous semester. Yet, something was different. Even now, looking back, I am not sure if it was homesickness, seasonal depression, or something else that hindered my enjoyment of the second semester, but I felt miserable. All I wanted to do was go back home, or even go back to what I experienced during the first semester. I don’t think people talk about the drastic difference between the first and second semester of your first year of college. In the fall, everything was new and exciting, and there was always something to do on the weekends. There was this hope for possibility and new adventures. Come spring semester there wasn’t much to do because of the cold and everyone felt trapped in their dorm. With time it got better, the sun came out and the flowers began to bloom. I felt motivated to do work again and adventure outside of the dorm, but it was definitely hard for the first few weeks.
Something I have learned about college is that you cannot tie all of your time or effort to just your work. You have to create space for the things you enjoy, time for yourself, and trying new things, even when the weather seemingly does not permit it. I’m not exactly sure what advice I would give to incoming freshmen, but I think what I would say to them is that no matter what you are feeling, there are others that, more likely than not, feel the same way. Don’t be afraid to speak out about any emotions or issues you have because it becomes a battle to bottle them up. Freshman year may have been the most roller coaster ride of my life, but I have learned so much about myself that I would not trade for anything.