Before coming to college, I was the kind of person who needed to take absolutely every opportunity and succeed in everything in order to have the best future possible. I said yes to everything and hoped that I would be accepted into every program so that I would not feel like I was missing out. This contributed to me experiencing a two year period of burnout, not just in academics, but in literally every aspect of my life. I loved my job, but working soon felt monotonous. I loved volunteering, but that felt like such a time consuming chore. I loved participating in clubs and sports, but balancing everything became so overwhelming. I took so many AP classes, partially because I wanted to, but also because I knew that would look great on my transcript for college. The pressure of receiving and maintaining good grades had me stressed every single day for the last two years of high school. Then suddenly I got into college, high school was ending, and I had mere months before I moved away from everyone and everything that I knew and started a whole new chapter of my life.
It doesn’t help that I’m so indecisive. It took me right up until choosing where I wanted to go to college to decide that I did not want to commit to play a sport. This decision haunted me for years. I spent ages trying to decide if I should play a sport, not if I actually wanted to. I knew I didn’t want to, but I didn’t know if this was the right choice to make. Sometimes I still wonder what would’ve happened if I did commit to play a sport, but I guess thinking about the what if’s is only natural.
Being in my second year of college, I’m going through a similar experience, where I now need to think about life after Holy Cross. Am I going to law school? Am I going to take a job right out of undergrad? What do I need to do to set myself up for success?
I can tell you what I’m not going to do—worry.
My new mentality is “whatever’s meant to be, will be.” If I don’t get accepted for that study abroad program or that internship, I’ll just do something else. It wasn’t meant to be. I’m still looking for opportunities and aiming to do my best, but not to the point where my life is completely consumed by doing so much and putting all this pressure on myself.
“There’s bigger fish to fry” is what my dad said to me when I got rejected for the Student Influencer Program. He’s right. According to the universe or the powers that be, I wasn’t meant to be a student influencer for Holy Cross at this point in time. I can find fulfillment in other ways.
I want to start focusing on what makes me happy. Of course I still want to set myself up for future success, but I need to learn to live in the moment. I’ve only just begun to stop regretting the past and fretting about the future. I just keep telling myself, whatever’s meant to be, will be. Dear reader who may see themselves in my account of my last two years of high school, do what makes you happy, and if it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. Go after what you want and don’t spend all your time regretting past decisions. Whatever’s meant to be, will be.