After dating my boyfriend for three years and never attending the same school, I feel as though I have mastered the art of long distance relationships. I can confidently say that it is never easy, but there are a few tricks I have learned in order to keep my sanity. No two relationships are alike, although there are common themes I can see through all of the LDRs I have witnessed. Whether you are 30 minutes apart, or 24 hours, there are some basic ideas I like to keep in mind and have found to help the relationship thrive. Here are my basic rules, and tips, to allow your relationship to thrive, even miles apart.
Here are basic principles that I have found are important to all relationships:
Rule #1: Communication is Key
Lack of communication is almost always at the root of fights or disagreements. Keeping your partner in the dark about your life, or any events going on, can lead to confusion and allow the mind to wander. More often than not, your partner is not trying to keep secrets, they just got caught up in what they are doing and forgot to respond. An important note here is that communication is a two way street; you cannot rely on your partner to always carry the conversation. And no, you are not annoying them by texting them first.
Rule #2: Remember Who Your Partner Is
There is a reason you started dating this person, may it be a common interest or hobby, or just their personality. This common ground can often get lost if you are no longer doing those activities or find yourself talking less. I have found that when I lose sight of this core, I panic and start to overthink. By taking a moment to look at photos, or reflect on those times when we were together, I am to recenter myself. Taking a brief moment to remind myself of those positive moments, can motivate me to continue on during the hard times.
These are my tried and true tips:
Tip #1: Talk Often
To every couple this looks different. Personally I text my boyfriend everyday and call about once or twice a week. I have friends who call their boyfriends every night as part of their routine. Neither my boyfriend nor I can commit to having free time at night, or going to bed at the same time, but we can schedule a call in advance. I am a strict planner and follow my agenda to a t, so the best way to reach me is to have me pencil you in. This allows us to look forward to when we are going to speak next. Find the system that works best for both of you, and stick with it.
Tip #2: Do Not Compare Your Relationship to Another
I know I have mentioned the themes I have seen across relationships, but in doing this, I did not compare my relationship to theirs, but instead just observed. I found that every relationship is unique, and so what works for one person may not work for another. I think that jealousy can also stem from this comparison. Maybe your friend’s partner comes to visit every weekend, and you have not seen your partner in a month; as jealous as you might be, there is no need to think less of your relationship because of it. There is a balance and rhythm between you and your partner that is unique to you, so let it be that way.
This is just the very beginning of the long list of lessons I have learned over the years. My best advice is to remember that there is a reason for this challenge- there is some end goal where you and your partner will end up together for more than just a few days. It can be brutal out there, but if you are meant to be together, it will all be worth it.