Girl, Whatever: A Generational Rise in Apathy Or Boundaries?

Protect your peace. Practice self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup. 

These are all heavily circulated mantras in our social world nowadays, and ones I personally use often. 

College students and members of our generation in general are busier than ever before, and studies have shown that we are more anxious than any other age group before us. 

Evidence from these studies cite social media’s integration into our daily lives, and the subsequent blurring of the line between the real vs. virtual worlds, as the major culprit of this heightened anxiety. I point the finger additionally at the constrictive social norms placed upon us from an early age-especially for young women.

When I was little, I was immediately taught to always say yes to be polite-to any hug or kiss or request from a family member, or someone I didn’t know very well. It was instilled in me that I had to be a model of politeness and be the bigger person, always. I think this is a common experience amongst other women-we were all taught to be “the nice girl”, no matter what. In my emerging adulthood, this has caused me to absolutely stretch myself thin-to fulfill the idea that I need to be the model of perfect, kind, righteous behavior-especially when others are not, to pick up their slack. 

Historically, I have extended myself in thirty different ways to bend for the people I love, to an extreme that has caused me to honestly lose myself. My strong foundations have cracked from the weight of carrying the whole worlds of those I love on my shoulders. I have staked their wellbeing, success, and happiness entirely on my actions-how can I make sure they are happy? How can I make them feel better? How can I make sure they get a good internship, a good job, a good future? 

Over time, I realize this pattern of entirely other-oriented concerns and actions has diluted what makes me, me. 

I’ve realized I need to take a step back from this other-uplifting, self-diluting behavior-and so does my TikTok. 

Over the past week or so, my For You page has been flooded with TikToks of the song “You (Ha Ha Ha)” by Charli XCX over photos of various beautiful scenes-everything from a picturesque waterfall to a Raisin Canes’ box combo-two equally beautiful sights. Over these images are two simple words: “girl, whatever”. How freeing is it to see that, as young women who are so chronically emotionally overextended? For me, it was a great reminder that you just have to not let some things matter, because there are bigger, more important things in the world to sink your investment and joy into-mostly a Canes’ combo, but sure, a waterfall too. 

But have we taken this disengagement from effort and emotional investment too far? While I find choosing yourself to be extremely important, it seems in our generation that self-care culture has resulted in friendships and relationships becoming less effortful and genuine. People have abandoned the lost art of sometimes inconveniencing oneself for those close to them, in the name of “protecting their peace”. Skipping an important event, cancelling multiple hangouts-sometimes, to do things for those we love, it’s not going to be simple and convenient. An effortless friendship or relationship-which so many applaud nowadays-doesn’t really exist. A true, genuine connection depends on some give-and-take. So many of our generation now say true love and real friendship no longer exist-but this is not true. The problem is, we have chosen ourselves to the extreme where we have become apathetic and lazy in our relationships. Romance or friendship isn’t dead-effort.

In order for our generation to truly have peace and know that we are inherently worthy and capable of sustaining positive relationships, we have to reembrace connection over disconnection, meaningful investment vs. nonchalance-but okay, sometimes, you just need to say, “girl, whatever”.

• #relationships
• #selfcare
• #selflove