I concluded one of my previous articles with the statement, “comparison kills self-confidence, so avoid it as best as you can”, and I’m now going to elaborate on what I mean. I know it can be hard to avoid comparing yourself to others, but for the sake of yourself and those you may be verbally comparing yourself to, I’m going to say it as simply as I can: focus on yourself.
In my earlier article, I discussed how I kept comparing my internship timeline to those around me via LinkedIn, until I discovered internship timelines are all unique. This can be applied to oneself as well. Everyone is unique.Your college experience is unique. Your gym routine is unique. Your whole life is unique!
It’s easier said than done, but do not compare yourself or your life to that of others, as they’re not you or yours. This can have such a negative impact on your mental health and lead to stress and dissatisfaction. Ask that girl where she got that sweatshirt or how she got that job, but do so to motivate yourself, not bring yourself down, wishing you were like them.
I can typically tell pretty quickly when someone is attempting to one-up me. I noticed it a lot in high school during the college application process, so I avoided talking about where I applied to with anyone, including my friends. You shouldn’t have to keep something from your friends just because you’re afraid they won’t share in your excitement or that they might feel jealous, but this is how I felt with some of my friends. I’m feeling this need now, specifically in keeping information regarding study abroad and summer internships, to keep to myself.
It’s not fun comparing myself to others, but it’s equally not as fun being on the other side of the comparison. I understand it, I really do. We were teenage girls who grew up in the world of social media, and now we’re adults trying to figure out the rest of our lives. However, that’s not an excuse to drag your friends down just because you feel you don’t compare. You don’t have to compete with your friends—they’re your friends. Constant verbal comparison from some of my friends has made me rethink what I share with them and how often I spend time with them. It can be mentally exhausting comparing yourself to others, but it’s also mentally exhausting to feel bad about your own accomplishments just because a friend is insecure or jealous. I’m not talking about an “OMG me too!” or an “ugh I wish I could do that.” If you’ve never experienced the constant subtle comments that feel like someone is trying to put you down to lift themselves up, or just straight-up bragging and one-ups, consider yourself extremely lucky. Sometimes I’m not sure if my friend does this unconsciously, or if she does it to be malicious, but it’s frustrating either way. Don’t ask me about internships I’m applying to if you aren’t going to be happy for me. It’s not always about internships either. Sometimes toxic comparison can be as simple as spring break plans, and about taboo topics such as money. Why do you care how much my shoes cost? I needed new running shoes so I bought them.
I certainly don’t mean to imply that I’m somehow perfect and have it all figured out, and that everyone’s comparing themselves to me—because that is so far from the truth. I also don’t try to pretend that I do. I’m young; I’m still trying to figure life out. I’ve just noticed that there’s a difference between silent longing and overt meanness.
I know life is stressful and we want our lives to be satisfactory, if not perfect, but be conscious of when and how you compare yourself to others. It’s one thing to idolize someone, and a whole other thing to be actually jealous. On either side of the comparison, be mindful of what you say and how you say it. Please be gentle with yourself and kind to others.