Growing up, I had always dreamed of going to college. In my childhood fantasies of what university would be like, I would not necessarily romanticize its academic or career-building purposes, but I yearned to find what has been preached to so many young girls as the most memorable part of their lives: finding their college friend group. From seeing it in the movies to witnessing our moms leave for a “girls trip”, a college friend group is what many of us think of when we think of the “college experience” . What the movies and our mothers don’t tell us about college is that friend groups don’t just form out of thin air. I certainly learned this the hard way, and wondered what I was doing wrong as I spent the first few days at college in my room, curled up, missing home.Â
Leaving home was tough; I was used to my tight-knit group who I had known all my life, and the comfort of my family. However, I had found comfort in the fact that I would soon find my life long friends. Unfortunately, I quickly let go of this idea upon arrival. While it is true that everyone is in the same boat and everyone feels just as lonely, these factors do not surpass the time it takes to build genuine connections.
This was what I was missing. Sure, we all arrived at college, got thrown into orientation, and are now talking to the first girl who smiled at us about where she’s from, what she likes to do, or what other schools she considered. But it just didn’t feel right. I’m not sure I’ve ever spoken to more people in my life than in those five days of orientation. Yet I left feeling unfulfilled, lost, and unsure if my school was the right fit for me.Â
If I could give any future college freshman one piece of advice, it would be this: Do not rush it. When I arrived on campus, I compared each potential friend to those at home. Remember, the bonds you created at home likely took years and years to build. It is okay to not feel like you have found your future bridesmaids your first week.
I can confidently say, a little over a month in, that I have found good, even great, friends. While it would be naive to state that these will be my best friends till the end of time, I know that I can be myself around them, I understand them, and they understand me. In order to have found them, it was crucial that I let go of my childhood fantasy. Instead, I let go of expectations, let time take its course, and focused on the controllable.Â