When I was born, I arrived into the world with a head full of thick, dark brown hair, pretty much black. I look back on pictures of myself as a baby and a toddler, with a mop of dark brown hair framing my brown eyes and olive skin.Â
However, as I grew up, I became increasingly obsessed with Sharpay Evans and Princess Aurora after my first exposure to High School Musical and Sleeping Beauty. They became my blonde icons, and my idolization of fair-haired heroines only increased as I entered middle school, with Cher Horowitz, Elle Woods, and more. In seventh grade, I had thick purple glasses and braces, and, like many middle schoolers, hated my appearance and also had no clue how to properly style myself or do makeup. So, I went to my mom’s hairstylist for a first round of highlights. This kickstarted a seven-year journey of endless highlights and balayage and foils and bleach, all to achieve the “pretty” version of me that I thought I couldn’t be with my natural hair.
After this spring break, something changed. While I lived my fall semester as a bright bleach blonde-and loved it-I never felt blonde enough. I would still look in the mirror and not feel completely comfortable in my skin. There was always somebody blonder or prettier. My mother and oldest sister have gorgeous blonde hair, but my sister Mary has the same rich, dark brown as I used to. After seeing her over spring break, the seed that had been planted in the back of my mind of going back brunette sprouted even further. I looked at my gorgeous sister, whom I’ve always looked up to, beaming and confident in our shared natural color, and that did it for me.Â
So, I spontaneously changed my original full blonde foil to a reversion back to chocolate brown the first Monday morning back from break.Â
Terrified that I was going to hate it, I was astonished when my hairstylist spun around my chair. I was absolutely in love, because I finally felt like I was looking back at me. Not the idealized version of myself that I had created in my head, an unattainable me that every time I looked in the mirror, always felt like she needed something more.
When I looked back at my reflection in the gilded salon glass, the weight of seven years of insecurity and feelings of inadequacy rolled right off my shoulders.Â
Though I loved my blonde era, I feel a massive sense of relief with my natural hair. I’m no longer afraid of feeling like myself when I look in the mirror. I feel so much more at ease. So, while I can attest that blonde me had plenty of fun, brunette me has fun and greater peace. I’m sure I have so much more to discover as I drift into this next, more natural phase of my life, and I cannot wait.