It’s one of those annoying facts of life. Relationships are tough. Add on the fact that you’re a driven collegiette with a busy schedule? It makes finding time for a relationship that much tougher. Now, add on the fact that you and your significant other are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of miles away from each other? You’re basically performing rocket surgery to make things work.
If you’re one of the many Hofstra collegiettes trying her hand at a long distance relationship this semester, or maybe even a seasoned pro in the department, consider these do’s and don’ts before diving into the deep end of commitment.
Do know what you’re getting yourself into
All relationships are work but a long distance relationship is like putting in overtime everyday. You definitely have to prepare yourself for how much extra effort is required.
“It sucked because we couldn’t meet up for coffee whenever and just sit and talk about our days” says Hofstra senior Anandi Mandania, 22, who went from seeing her high school boyfriend everyday from only once or twice a month once college began.
It’s important to build up the trust and commitment in your relationship long before you two even make an agreement to go out long distance.
Don’t get mad over little things
“I commuted from New Jersey my freshman year and he was on campus (at Hofstra)” remembers Mandania. “We were doing fine in the beginning…but it was really hard to keep track of what he was doing”.
Don’t assume the worst just because you don’t know what the other person is doing. Always try to approach potentially sketchy situations, like for example your guy or girl’s not texting you when he’s out for the night, with a level head. Use your female intuition, but don’t forget to add a dash of rationality to the mix.
Do get to know their friends
You are the company you keep. “If you get to know who your boyfriend’s friends are, at least then you’ll know, ‘Ok, my boyfriend isn’t with iffy people, he’s in good hands’” explains Mandania.
On the other hand, if the new friends your significant other are making are only interested in “getting the full college experience” i.e. hooking up with anybody they can get, you might want them to reevaluate that crew.
Don’t trust everything on social media
The old saying, “distance makes the heart grow fonder” needs a little modification in these digital times. With all these websites and apps meant to stay in touch, keeping tabs from miles away is now easier than ever. But don’t persecute your guy or girl if you see a questionable photo tag with a group of friends. To avoid a social media crisis, make your concerns known early on as to what behavior is and isn’t acceptable. For example, group shots and selfies with a friend may be fine. Pictures of your guy dancing with another girl or taking body shots off of someone—-NOT fine.
Do show you care
In the middle of a busy week, its always nice to know you’ve got a support system to show they care, even if they can’t be right there with you. Anything from proofreading a paper to sending flowers or cards! A little mushiness won’t kill you.
“And definitely when you do see that person, I would say be romantic,” says Mandania. “ That way, when you’re not there, he or she is only thinking about the cute things you guys did”.
With these basic guidelines in place, it should be smooth sailing for your long distance relationship. So get ready for late night convo’s recapping the day’s events and budgeting for weekend visits to each other’s schools. All in the name of love.