6 Tips On How to Deal With Your First Major Fight with Friends

Living with your friends in college is a lot different than what you might expect. I have always been told that it’s difficult living with close friends because you’re constantly around them. Living on campus with your BFF's as roommates can ruin or damage friendships, because it can often be hard to find alone time. Having roommates in general leaves little opportunity to ever be completely alone, therefore you'll end up seeing both the best and the worst in each other. This doesn’t mean that you don’t care about those friends anymore, but sometimes certain people just are more compatible as friends than as roommates.

In the instance in which a fight or fights arise between good friends, especially those living in close quarters, there are many options as to how you can handle the situation.


Photo Courtesy of Priscilla Du Preez


1. Talk About It to Get to the Root of the Problem

The only way to figure out the issue at heart is to have a real conversation about what’s going on. If you don’t talk about the problem, it becomes difficult to figure out the true cause. Communication is key to any relationship, and a lack of it will only make matters worse. Once a meaningful discussion about the argument takes place, the various parties can decide what the best course of action is to help resolve it.

2. Allow Both Sides to Blow Off Steam

In a more heated argument, sometimes it’s best to allow both yourself and those you are arguing with to cool off and relax before going any further. We often say things we don’t mean in the heat of the moment, which can blow the argument out of proportions. If the fight is causing high tensions or emotions, it helps to step away from the situation until everyone is more calm and collected.

3. Try to Diffuse the Situation

Some fights drive one person to rise above and be the bigger person. In that situation, you may have to appease your friend or do what you can to make things right. If you truly care about maintaining that particular friendship, it’s worth it to do everything in your power to compromise and lessen the severity of the fight.


Photo Courtesy of Ben White

4. Admit Where You Were Wrong

We all hate being in the wrong, but there are always two sides to an argument. There will be points in which you are in the wrong, and points where your friend is in the wrong. In order to solve the conflict in a mature and respectful manner, it’s important to take fault where fault is due. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and each party will feel differently about the situation. However, it is wrong to put all of the blame on one person, especially if you are partially responsible for the issue.

5. Have a Valid Argument

There is nothing worse than fighting for a lost cause. Sometimes it’s difficult to avoid petty arguments, especially if it’s a friend that you’re constantly around or even living with. Petty, meaningless fights happen once in awhile, but it’s certainly something to be avoided. If you find yourself constantly fighting for no reason, there is a greater underlying problem that needs to be dealt with.


Photo Courtesy of Annie Spratt

6. Put Your Pride Aside

If your relationship truly matters to you, an argument shouldn’t define that friendship. It shouldn’t destroy it and it should be something that every party involved should be able to move past. That is not always the case, and major fights CAN ruin or end friendships. The way I see it, gaining and losing friends is a part of life. If personalities collide and arguments do eventually ruin a friendship, then that is a part of your journey and there will be new friends to gain in the future.


Someone once told me that in college, you meet tons of people freshman year and create many new friendships. Once you become a sophomore and above, you become busier and realize who you truly have things in common with. Those who support you and bring you up are the ones who you should keep in your life.

Not everyone is meant to be friends. Other people start out as great friends and then grow and change into a better version of themselves. This can cause people to drift apart and connect with people who better align with their personalities. There is nothing wrong with growing apart from friends if it’s inevitably going to be better for everyone.

Some fights can be resolved, while others cannot. At the end of the day, every experience will impact our lives and shape us into the person we are today.