I am a person who overthinks every situation and I cannot say that was something I learned to control during my years in university. This personality trait brings a lot of bad things and insecurities, but also a lot of introspection that leads me to reflect on how I have evolved as a person. I am now in what I hope to be my last semester as a university student, so of course, with the end of a cycle comes its dose of introspection. And here it is, some of the things I have learnt throughout my university years from personal, to social, to academia and politics.
The personal is political. It was during my Erasmus that I had the chance of taking courses in the political field and meet people from different places and backgrounds. This brought my attention to a lot of issues that I only saw on a superficial level before. When one is confronted with a world not so perfect and with so many layers, one feels angry and powerless. Yet, one also finds their voice and power amid injustices. I found my causes and my life gained extra meaning knowing that I could do my best to advocate for changes in the world (even though, I am fully aware that single actions do not do much!). I tried to implement feminism and sustainability in the way I live, the things I buy, the essays and articles I write, and the conversations I have, never shying away from a conversation or debate and always open to learn more and complement previous points of view.
I learned to unlearn. I study social sciences, and from the very beginning, I have had a very theoretical approach instead of a practical one. The professors would say “you are here to learn how to think”. And that much I definitely managed. I have learnt to deconstruct and problematize every single issue. I have learnt to see all the sides to a discussion and therefore, be more empathetic and inclusive, in opposition to the previous assumption that I knew the whole truth (whatever that means). I don’t think this is something restricted to social sciences students, but we are forced to do it more often for sure. However, I do think it is important to question our surroundings, our culture and our ways of living and to understand the meaning behind all our beliefs, to be sure we actually believe in them and are not just operating as robots programmed by our family, our teachers and society. It is also important to understand that there are several ways of leading a good life (again, whatever that means).
Everyone is living at their own pace. This one was hard and easy to learn at the same time. I come from a country that values university education and looks with prejudice towards other types of education. A country that pushes you to go through with your education until you have a master’s degree – “Who are you kidding? You are a nobody if you only have a bachelor’s”. I love learning, so I did get a master’s degree (well, I’m trying to, at least). But only after taking a gap year to recharge. Yes, sounds cliché, sounds privileged. That’s because it probably is, but let me tell you, it shouldn’t be. By the end of my bachelor’s, I was having a nervous breakdown regarding academia, I couldn’t handle it anymore. And then everyone around me was saying “if you don’t go to your master’s now, then you will never go because once one starts working it is extremely difficult to go back”. I knew I wanted to continue the process of learning, but I was not ready, so I decided to relax and breathe. A lot of people didn’t understand. A lot of people were expecting certain things from me during this gap year. “Maybe an internship? Some self-discovery travelling?”. Well, no. Just hanging with my family, doing my hobbies, and taking it easy. Realizing that the time I have is mine, and not of others. That when I am in my death bed, I will be glad that I always allowed myself time to breathe (so cliché I know, I probably won’t remember this in my death bed!). I accepted quickly that this was right for me, and only this way would I feel in control of my life. But then, life goes on and everyone is going forward, and you feel the temptation to think that you are not. And it was hard to shift the perspective. In a way, COVID helped in the sense that it took away any possible guilt; travelling was not a possibility, and not a lot of companies were hiring interns because of the economic struggle, so no more expectations. I am aware it is incredibly privileged to be writing what I am writing, but it was the position in which I was in. This point is getting incredibly long, but I just want to add that when I initiated my master’s I was one of the youngest and I met people in totally different stages, who had worked before, who took more years to complete their bachelor’s, who were engaged, who had babies. And somehow everything made sense and I stopped comparing and rushing myself.
(I just want to make a side note here, that the way older generations think like they do in my home country obviously has to do with previous struggles they faced and the importance of having a steady career at their time, and I completely understand that. All the pressure and expectations make it stressful for future generations nonetheless.)
Taking time off to think. This one is related to the previous ones. As I overthink this is usually a given: I take time off to think even if not by choice. Yet, I learnt to do it by choice as well. I don’t think everyone takes a lot of time to think about their life on this Earth. Be that while you’re commuting to work or washing the dishes, it is important to think about the person you are and what you want to do with your life. At least for me, it is.
The importance of being comfortable being alone. As an only child, I learnt this early on, but I certainly had to cement it in university, especially during my Erasmus as at the time I didn’t enjoy going out to drink and party that much and preferred to do little trips. So, what I saved on beer I would spend on a solo adventure. It was a struggling period as it was the first time I was truly by myself, but I managed and grew a lot by going through it.
Finding friends that understand you makes everything easier. This one has some layers. For starters, I never had a lot of trouble making friends, yet connecting with them at deeper levels is not always as easy. I remember that it was in the summer that followed the start of the pandemic that I finally connected and grew closer to most of my friends, and from then it has been a daily effort to keep it this way. The second part of this comes from my moving to Helsinki to pursue my master’s. Even though I believe every experience is specific to the people you meet, I was ready to face what I had faced during my Erasmus. Yet, I was positively surprised and made good friends that have helped in making this experience way more pleasant than if I was just browsing around on my own. However, this also makes me more vulnerable and not so used to being alone – I guess I will find the balance later in life.
There are different types of friendships – and they can change. This one sounds pretty obvious and I guess I always knew, yet it took some strength to accept it. To accept that there are friendships with expiration dates from the beginning. To accept that some friendships are purely out of convenience and superficiality. To accept that people live different lives and therefore are not able to report to each other on a daily or weekly basis. To accept that keeping daily friendships involves a lot of communication and effort. To accept that some friendships do fall apart pretty hard, and it is difficult to bring them back to life. To accept that some of the people you used to play with as a kid will probably never be actively in your life again and will just be a shy “hello” when crossing the street. To accept that not everyone wants to build a meaningful connection. But also, to accept that when you see your friends after a long time, everything is the same, and it is exciting, and there is a lot to talk about.
Theory matters and social sciences matter. Might be brainwashing from my academic experience, but I do think theory helps us understand the world better and the way we act upon it. Not just theory of natural sciences, but social sciences, too. People still discredit social sciences a lot, yet I can see that studying them gave me a lot of skills that those who don’t study them don’t tend to have unless they are surrounded by people who do. And I wish they were more valued during the formative years, so then conversations about the state of the world could be more informed and empathetic.
Surviving. I am just being dramatic, but as an only child, my needs were catered for and leaving my mom’s house, it was important to learn how to cook and manage a house.
Grades do not matter on their own. The way the system is built around competition and only allowing the people with the best grades to get admitted in their preferred careers makes you think the opposite. But it is the learning that makes the difference and that one likes what they are studying and learning. Sadly, as my passion is in the social sciences field, I can say that I am privileged to be able to pursue it as it is not the most stable and secure field financially. Yet, I am grateful that I get to study it and I try to cherish it and respect it as much as possible, constantly reminding myself of the privilege I have. Admittedly, this process has been easier during my master’s as I don’t want to pursue a PhD, so I don’t need a good average to be admitted as I did in both my bachelor’s and master’s. Now, I let myself learn for the pleasure of learning. This does not mean that I won’t do my best. I still attend the lectures, I still read what I am supposed to read. I am just not as affected as I used to be in high school if my best doesn’t match with what the lecturer was expecting. My worth and intelligence are not quantified in academic grades.
To follow my dreams despite other people’s thoughts. If the only obstacle stopping you from going after what you want are others and their opinions, well, I am not going to tell you to fully ignore them, as usually people around us speak out of concern, but do consider their arguments carefully instead of allowing them full control of your life. And well, this might be obvious but do not stop yourself from the experiences you want to have because of romantic interests, as these should be the people to support you the most and not the opposite.