In a mixture of summertime blues and longing for autumn, I find it unsettling to reflect on the past couple of months. Did I study diligently, gather valuable work experience and manage to save money? Additionally, did I taste freedom, embark on a romantic adventure or find serenity during a well-deserved vacation? Sadly, I did not achieve all the goals I set for myself before the summer. Above all, I failed to establish a balance between my numerous interests, and the combination of work, study and leisure was utterly dissatisfying. The noble idea of broadening my mind in a structured manner turned into ineffective and unproductive attempts at concentration. Indeed, my break from university was largely marked by useless daydreaming and wasted hours of study, a relatively routineless existence.
Despite my tedious academic struggles, I also had my share of joyful risk-taking and personal accomplishments this summer. In fact, I explored my professional passions in an idyllic small town in Bavaria, challenging myself socially and emotionally whilst forming new relationships and deepening old bonds. Similarly, I traveled to Northern Italy to rekindle a childhood friendship, which turned out to be a meaningful encounter, truly a trip down memory lane. I was taken by sweet and youthful memories whilst marveling at the mountainous landscapes, an image that is worth cherishing. Also, a family reunion took me to London for a delightful getaway, an escape that turned into an undertaking in a heatwave.
Although I embarked on unknown endeavors and managed to overcome them, I feel ambivalent about the progress I made this summer in terms of both academic rigor and personal development. Regardless of my inadequacies and shortcomings, however, the past summer primarily comes across as a fading memory of subtle nuances and distant shades, a dreamy scenery of desires and expectations. The timeless atmosphere coupled with soothing breeze can only be a hazy vision in the past, for such is the ambiguity of summer. Those golden memories have nearly escaped, the glimpse of beauty roughly vanished. I’m left with nostalgia, an odd longing for blurry days in the sun. It feels as if something had profoundly moved me, affected me in inexplicable ways, yet in retrospect, I feel neither bliss nor anguish. The season has changed and I am to welcome autumn with melancholy.